Shell Jokes / Recent Jokes

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

The following are strange error messages you can get Unix to generate.
They were culled during the summer of 1988 from rec.humor. As
we all know, real error messages have two parts: a message code, and a
return code. Ideally, the message code is hexadecimal, the return code
is octal, and the manual explaining the error messages uses decimal.
But Unix (tm), in keeping with its characteristic lexical confusion,
produces error messages which, although designed to make the system
appear sentient, and conversational, ultimately make the system seem as
stupid as it is. Note that the '%' prompt indicates that the command
should be issued from the C shell, and the '$' prompt indicates the
Bourne shell. Enjoy.
% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
% ar m God
ar: God does not exist
% "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence?
Unmatched ."
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].
% ^How did the sex change^ more...

Three blonds were walking along the beach one morning, when all of a sudden one blond stops dead in her tracks. The blond starts screaming, "Like oh my God, like look, like it's a sea shell!"
The blond picks up the shell and starts to brush the sand off it. Suddenly a Genie appears! The Genie bows to his new masters, and says "I will grant you 3 wishes."
Being that there were three of them, they each decided to use one whish.
The first blond says, "Like, could you make me 20% smarter?"
The Genie nods and the blond in 20% smarter. The next blond says, "Cool! Like I want to be 50% smarter, like ok."
The Genie again nods and she is 50% smarter.
The third blond after seeing this decides to out due her friends. "I, like want to be 100% smarter!"
There is a big puff of dust and the girl dis-appears for a moment. When the dust settles there is a poodle left standing!

... every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS... Universe halted
COFFEE.EXE missing - insert cup and press any key.
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL
C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN
Best file compression utility around: DEL *.* = 100% compression.
The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
BREAKFAST.COM halted... Cereal Port not Responding.
C:Bad command or file name: Go stand in the corner.
Why doesnit DOS ever say EXCELLENT command or filename?
... File not found. Should I fake it (Y/N)
Ethernet (n). something used to catch the Etherbunny.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted. Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/N)
SENILE.COM found... more...

Brian Mulroney is my shepherd I shell soon want He leadth me beside still factorys and abandond farms He restorth my doubt about the Tories He annointed my wages with taxes and inflation so my expenses runneth over my income surely poverty, hard living shell follow the Tories And I shell work on a rented farm And live in a rented house forever, Five thousand years ago, MOSES said,; pick up your shovels, mount your asses, and, I will lead you to the promies land!. one hundred years Trudeau said, lay down your shovels, get off your asses, an light up a camel THIS IS THE PROMIES LAND,!!! This year Brian Mulroney will take your shovels, sell your camel, kick your ass, and tell you he gave away the promies land,. Iam glad to be a CANADIAN Iam glad to be freebut if I had a wish this is what it would be that I was a dog and Mulroney was a tree THANK YOU

(Sorry guys, you have to be a Ceylonese to enjoy this joke)
So, the King Dutugemunu decided to teach a lesson to King Elara becuase he behaved too badly.
When King Dutugemunu starts off to make war, he always accompany his 10 great fighters or
the so called' Dasa Maha Yodhayo'. Pussadeva is the one who always lead the battalion with the
famous conch shell in hand. It is said that when he blows that conch shell the sound of it can
be heard from a distance of 8 miles('Siv yodunak').
This particular day, Pussadeva could not find his conch shell (or' Haka' in Sinhalese) when summoned
by the King Dutugemunu. Unable to find a' Haka' fitting to a Yodaya, he had to borrow the next biggest
'haka' from the temple. This' haka' popularly known as' pansal haka' too is as big as' Pussadeva haka'.
The army is marching towards Vijithapura with Pussadeva leading with his' pansal haka' in hand. They
were marching on a' palama' (bridge) over the river more...