Here's a handy list to print out and carry with you at all times. Next time ya rip one and someone asks, "what was that?", you can now explain!
Silent But Deadly (SBD) Fart The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odour.
Eggy Fart Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.
Windy Fart The sort of fart which goes' Whoosh', and is more felt than heard. A little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.
Growling Fart Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell). Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vets.
Worrying Fart The kind which seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage more...
A Guide to the Identification and Classification of North American FartsLearning- or better still, thinking up- names for fart types is atraditional early-adolescent ritual. Similarly, methods of identifyingthe source of a fart are a subject of peer-group, or tribal, speculation, the usual rule of thumb being "Who smelled it, dealt it,"or "The smeller's the feller." Occasionally, this oral tradition has acheived the level of Xeroxpublication, but never before has a systematic analysis, along the linesof Jane's Fighting ships or A Field Guide to the Birds, been attemptedin print. Tentatively, then, we present the following. Blind Farts: Traditional noiseless reekers. (Expression since circa1880 - see also "SBD's"). Boomers: Full-throated, rousing explosions; the parent orginismfrequently betrays his or her authorship with a smile of ill-conceledpride. Carpet Creepers: Heavier- than- air creations, these linger andpermeate the atmosphere at or near ground more...
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