Runway Jokes / Recent Jokes

DOS Airline:
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they
jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground
again, then they push again, jump on again and so on.
DOS with QEMM Airline:
The same thing but with more leg room to push.
Mac Airline:
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers,
and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the
same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are
told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and that
everything will be done for you without you having to know,
so just shut up.
OS/2 Airline:
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different
times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a
form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should
look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus.
If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane
succeeds in getting more...

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercialairliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to showup so they can get underway. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers rightand left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is usinga guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with hugesunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must besome sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes theengines start revving and the airplane starts moving down therunway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to thestewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people beginpanicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane getscloser and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are more...

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I`ve never seen one that short!"

The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you`re right! That`s incredible! Are you sure we can make it?"

"Well we better, were almost out of fuel."

So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the
ragged edge of control. The pilot`s hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. "WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain."That runway was more...

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at anairport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out thewindshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Lookhow short the runway is! I`ve never seen one that short!"The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you`re right! That`sincredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, werealmost out of fuel." So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers toput their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergencylanding. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane tojust over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on theragged edge of control. The pilot`s hands were sweating, the copilotwas praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUSTbefore the edge of the runway, the tires smoking." WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain." That runway was SHORT!""Yeah!" said the more...

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I`ve never seen one that short!"
The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you`re right! That`s incredible! Are you sure we can make it?"
"Well we better, were almost out of fuel."
So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the
ragged edge of control. The pilot`s hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking.
"WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain."That runway was more...

Two blonde guys were sitting around talking. After a while, the first blonde looks at the second blonde and says, "Hey, you want to go up for a ride in my airplane?"
The second guy says, "Wow, you have an airplane? Let's go!"
So they go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they run low on fuel and need to land. The blonde pilot starts circling around looking for a place to land. He sees an airstrip close by. He says his to his new buddy along for the ride, "Let's land here. It looks like it's as good a place as any."
So he circles around and goes in for a landing, but at the last minute he swerves and pulls back up.
"Damn!" he says, "That is the SHORTEST runway I have ever seen! How is anyone supposed to land on it?"
Since it's the only runway nearby, he decides to try again, with the same result. Getting pretty irritated, the pilot says to his friend, "All right, I'm going to try ONE more more...

Two blonde guys were sitting around talking. After a while, the first blonde looks at the second blonde and says, "Hey, you want to go up for a ride in my airplane?"
The second guy says, "Wow, you have an airplane? Let's go!"
So they go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they run low on fuel and need to land. The blonde pilot starts circling around looking for a place to land. He sees an airstrip close by. He says his to his new buddy along for the ride, "Let's land here. It looks like it's as good a place as any."
So he circles around and goes in for a landing, but at the last minute he swerves and pulls back up.
"Damn!" he says, "That is the SHORTEST runway I have ever seen! How is anyone supposed to land on it?"
Since it's the only runway nearby, he decides to try again, with the same result. Getting pretty irritated, the pilot says to his friend, "All right, I'm going to try ONE more time, more...