Ruin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Words From Famous Women...
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde." - Dolly Parton
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job." - Roseanne
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." - Rita Rudner
"He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant" - Carol
Leifer
"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." - Wendy Liebman
"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." - Roseanne
"I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?" - Wendy Liebman
"I think-therefore I'm single" - Lizz Winstead
"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is more...

Words From Famous Women... "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde." - Dolly Parton "I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job." - Roseanne "My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." - Rita Rudner "He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant" - CarolLeifer "I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." - Wendy Liebman "I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." - Roseanne "I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?" - Wendy Liebman "I think-therefore I'm single" - Lizz Winstead "Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy more...

1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know
I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton
2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly
ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong
3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my
friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want
to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner
4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a
child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our
lives. -Rita Rudner
5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
-Wendy Liebman
6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
-Erma Bombeck
7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing
'em. -Sue Grafton
8. I'm not going to vacuum' til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr
9. I think, more...

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever
see a smart woman with a dumb guy." -- Erica Jong
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We
can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." -- Rita Rudner
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm
not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde." -- Dolly Parton
"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." --
Wendy Liebman
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to." --
Erma Bombeck
"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them." --
Sue Grafton
"I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew
hair under my arms instead." -- Sue Kolinsky
"I think -- therefore I'm single." -- Lizz Winstead
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. more...

AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...

This is the little-known tale of how God came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments.God first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. "What's a commandment?" they asked. "Well, it's like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY," replied God. The Egyptians thought about it and then said, "No way. That would ruin our weekends."So then God went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, "What's a commandment?" "Well," said God, "it's like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL." The Assyrians immediately replied, "No way. That would ruin our economy."So finally God went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment. They asked, "How much?" God said, "They're free." The Jews said, "Great! We'll take TEN!"