Rising Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was flooding in California. As the flood waters were rising, a man was on the stoop of his house and another man in a row boat came by. The man in the row boat told the man on the stoop to get in and he'd save him. The man on the stoop said, no, he had faith in God and would wait for God to save him. The flood waters kept rising and the man had to go to the second floor of his house. A man in a motor boat came by and told the man in the house to get in because he had come to rescue him. The man in the house said no thank you. He had perfect faith in God and would wait for God to save him. The flood waters kept rising. Pretty soon they were up to the man's roof and he got out on the roof. A helicopter then came by, lowered a rope and the pilot shouted down in the man in the house to climb up the rope because the helicopeter had come to rescue him. The man in the house wouldn't get in. He told the pilot that he had faith in God and would wait for God to rescue him. The flood waters more...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the manycanyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds ofindians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that thereare hundreds of indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, onceagain, see hundreds of indians rising from the hill. They begin to back awayin the direction from which they had come and they realise, they weresurrounded. The indians had spread out. They were trapped. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says "Tonto, my firend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times togetherbut now I think we are doomed"." We?" replied Tonto "What's all this we, Paleface?"

(I don't remember where I heard this, but I don't think it was in church...)
During a particularly wet winter, flood waters rise so high in one
town that the national guard evacuates all the residents. One man
stays behind, however, and when the water is waist-high, two national
guardsmen in a boat motor past his house, checking for people left
behind.
"We're evacuating the town because of the flood! Jump in the boat
and we'll carry you to safety!"
But the man says, "No, don't bother; I've led a pious life, and the
Lord will save me."
The men in the boat shrug their shoulders and motor away. Later,
when the water level has driven the man onto his roof, another boat
appears.
"Haven't you heard the town has been evacuated? Come on, we'll save
you!"
But the man sends them away again, saying "No, no, the Lord will save
me!"
The water level keeps rising until the man more...

There came a big flood, and the water around Bhola's house was rising steadily.. Bhola was standing on the porch, watching water rising all around him, when a man in a boat came along and called to Bhola, "Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here. Bhola replied, "No thanks, God will save me." Bhola went into the house, and the water was starting to pour in. So, he went up to the second floor. As he looked out, another man in a boat came along, and he called to Bhola, "Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here." Again, Bhola replied, "No thanks. God will save me." The water kept rising. So, Bhola got out onto the roof. A helicopter flew over, and the pilot called down to Bhola, "I'll drop you a rope, grab onto it, and I'll get you out of here." Again Bhola replied, "No thanks. God will save me." The water rose and rose, and soon nearly covered the whole house. Bhola fell in, and drowned. When he arrived in Heaven, he saw more...

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I'm toned and perfect. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought at Walmart. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner - it smells a little funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK.
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are more...