Rid Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once there was an elderly couple that lived on a farm. One day the farmer came to his wife and grabbed her boobs.

He said, "If we could get milk out of these things, we could get rid of the cows."

The next day he approached her, grabbed her butt, and said, "If we could get eggs out of this thing, we could get rid of the chickens."

His wife turned around, reached between his legs, and said, "If you could get this hard, we could get rid of your brother."

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films ended with a scream and a flush.

Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches more...

So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife's tits and says, "If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows." He grabs her butt and says, "If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens." The wife grabs the farmer's dick and says, "And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother."

A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town. After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm.' 'Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?'' asked the man.' 'Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie,'' said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cross the man's face, the doctor said,' 'Trust me. I'm the doctor.''

So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie.' 'Drop your pants, and bend over,'' says the doctor.' 'What?'' says the man.' 'Trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear.' 'Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!'' screams the man.' 'Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor.

About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie.' 'Now pull up your pants and come more...

A man walks into a country club, and asks to play a round of golf. The man behind the counter suggests he try one of their brand new mechanical caddies. The guy had just gotten his paycheck, so he had money to burn, he figured "what the hell".
He took the caddy out and it was great, it would tell him what club to use, what was wrong with his swing, and what direction his putts would break and how much. The man gets done, and shoots the best round of his life.
A month later he comes back and asks for one of the caddies. The manager replies, "I'm sorry, but we had to get rid of them." The man a little confused asks, "Why did you get rid of them, they were great." The manager explained that they were made out of metal, so when the sun reflected off of them, it blinded the other golfers.
Still confused, the man adds, "Well, why didn't you just paint them black?"
The manager replies "Well, we tried that, but then 2 of them more...