"Farm Couple" joke

Once there was an elderly couple that lived on a farm. One day the farmer came to his wife and grabbed her boobs.

He said, "If we could get milk out of these things, we could get rid of the cows."

The next day he approached her, grabbed her butt, and said, "If we could get eggs out of this thing, we could get rid of the chickens."

His wife turned around, reached between his legs, and said, "If you could get this hard, we could get rid of your brother."

Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!

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A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "It's simple. Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

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A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it sets him back $1.24M. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about more...

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

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