A retiring boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card on his farewell party.
He could then remember how his staff "missed" him. Most staff members were writing standard phrases like, "Without you, the company will never be the same," "We will always remember you," etc.
The boss was not satisfied and asked, "I need something from the bottom of your heart... Peter, you have been working with me for the last 40 years. You are my best staff. What do you have to say?"
Slowly but firmly, Peter wrote, "The best news in 40 years."
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year!
It was his last day on the job and the mailman had mixed emotions. On the one hand, he was glad to be retiring; on the other, he'd miss seeing the beautiful young married woman he'd fancied for the last few years.
As he approached the young woman's house for the last time, he was both shocked and delighted when she greeted him where nothing but a sheer, crotchless body stocking and invited him in. The mailman didn't need to be asked twice, and the lady shut the door, pulled him to the floor, and fucked his brains out all over the morning mail. After they finished, she cooked up lunch.
While he was finishing his meal, the woman went to her purse and handed him a ten-dollar bill.
"I don't understand. Why are you paying me?"
"It was my husband's idea," she replied. "When I told him you were retiring, he said, 'screw him, give him ten bucks,' The lunch," she added, "was my idea."
According to USA Today, many American seniors are retiring to Mexico due to its improved climate and lower cost of living. Seems like a fair trade to me. America gets the young laborers and Mexico gets our tired, our poor and our huddled masses. Nice.
Whats a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million shy and thats why hes retiring.