Process Jokes / Recent Jokes
If you are currently suffering religious, racial or ethnic persecution or even financial hardships and are considering Australia as your destination, please consider the following:
1. Although Australia is a large continent, only small parts of it is actually worth living in and believe it or not these areas are already full of people.
2. The vast majority of the country is uninhabitable due to the large number of poisonous snakes, spiders and man eating crocodiles.
3. Due to the hole in the Ozone layer, you cannot live in the sun unprotected for more than 15 mins and sunscreen costs exceed 40% of the average Australian wage.
4. Australia is in the process of beefing up their defence forces, F111 fighter bombers, Orion coastal patrol aircraft and F/A 18 aircraft all scour our oceans looking for your ships, while the world renowned and feared Collins class submarines are the invisible death lurking undetectable beneath our more...
Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band
protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output
devices, even if it meant time-sharing.
One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had parked his
Motorola 68040 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that morning),
when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy wheels in
his garden. He thought to himself, "She looks user-friendly. I'll see if
she'd like an update tonight."
Mini was her name, and she was delightfully engineered with eyes like COBOL
and a PR1ME mainframe architecture that set Micro's peripherals networking
all over the place.
He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin, 32-bit
floating point processors and enquired "How are you, Honeywell?". "Yes, I
am well", she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and more...
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called life. Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works."
4. A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. Then you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better than "here," When your "there" has become a "here," more...
Diet for Stress How's your stress level? This should help. It is more than a diet, so read on... This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milkLunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookieMid-Afternoon snack: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream with nuts, cherries and whipped cream 1 jar hot fudge sauceDinner: 2 loaves garlic bread 4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke 1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza 3 Snickers barsLate Evening News: Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)Rules for this Diet1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy jar are canceled out by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do. 4. Food used for more...
A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven.The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little
stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary.The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year.”The angel says, “Okay, you may enter.” He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life.She states, “I earned $150,000 as an attorney.” The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too.He turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life?”The man replies, “I earned $8,000 last year. . . ”“Oh,” the angel interrupts. “What did you teach?”
A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven. The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary. The first man in line says, "I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year." The angel says, "Okay, you may enter." He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life. She states, "I earned $150, 000 as an attorney." The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too. He turns to the third one in line and asks, "What have you done with your life?" The man replies, "I earned $8, 000 last year. . . " "Oh," the angel interrupts. "What did more...
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.