Process Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    What is the value of a kind word?
    In January of 1986 I was flipping through the channels on TV and saw the closing credits for a PBS show called "Funny Business," a show about cartooning. I had always wanted to be a cartoonist but never knew how to go about it. I wrote to the host of the show, cartoonist Jack Cassady, and asked his advice on entering the profession.
    A few weeks later I got an encouraging handwritten letter from Jack, answering all of my specific questions about materials and process. He

    went on to warn me about the likelihood of being rejected at first, advising me not to get discouraged if that happened. He said the cartoon samples I sent him were good and worthy of publication.
    I got very excited, finally understanding how the whole process worked. I submitted my best cartoons to Playboy and New Yorker. The magazines quickly rejected me with cold little photocopied form letter. Discouraged, I put my art supplies in the closet and more...

    Proud Sri lankan

    Hot 5 years ago

    A Sri Lankan is calmly having his breakfast when an American, typically chewing gum, sits down beside him. The Sri Lankan ignores the American who begins to chat:

    The American: Do you eat that bread-entirely?
    The Sri Lankan: Of course!
    The American: We do not. We only eat the inner part, the crust is put in a container, later processed, transformed into flour and then sold to Sri Lanka. The Sri Lankan says nothing.
    The American continues: Do you eat this jelly with the bread?
    The Sri Lankan repeats: Of course.
    The American: We do not. We eat our fresh fruits for breakfast; we keep all the peels and seeds in the containers. Later we process it, and transform it into jelly and then we sell it to Sri Lanka.

    The Sri Lankan asks: And what do you do with the condoms after you use them?
    The American: We throw them away, of course!
    The Sri Lankan: We do not. We keep them in containers, process them, transform them in to chewing gum and more...

    A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one... sets it down. - and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man leaves. On the same day the following week he is back and does the same thing with the three beers. This goes on for a month or two. The bartender is getting curious. The next time the man comes in, the bartender says, "I don't mean to be nosy, but why do you drink from three beers at one time?"The man says, "When my two brothers and I lived close, we would go to the bar every week and have a beer together. Now we are all married and have moved far away. We all agreed that wherever we are, every week, we will each go to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times."The bartender nods and goes on. The man finishes his three beers and leaves. A month later the man comes in and orders only two beers. He more...

    Diet Rules

    Hot 6 years ago

    1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
    2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
    3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
    4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
    5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
    6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and no part of one's personal fuel.
    7. Cookie pieces contain no calories - the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
    8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
    9. more...

    Having a Beer

    Hot 4 years ago

    A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one... sets it down and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man then leaves.
    On the same day the following week he is back and does the same thing with the three beers. This goes on for a month or two. The bartender is getting curious. The next time the man comes in, the bartender says, "I don't mean to be nosy, but why do you drink from three beers at one time?"
    The man says, "When my two brothers and I lived close, we would go to the bar every week and have a beer together. Now we are all married and have moved far away. We all agreed that wherever we are, every week, we will each go to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times."
    The bartender nods and goes on. The man finishes his three beers and leaves. A month later the man comes in and orders more...

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