Policemen Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two military policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from The military base.
The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent where a nun was seated on a round bench beneath a tree quietly reading a book. He said to her "quick sister, please hide me I don't want to be Drafted and the MP's are chasing me!" She lifted up her skirts and said hide under my skirt.
The two policemen came By and asked if she had seen anyone. She replied "no".
After they left she told the young boy to come out all was OK He said you have a nice set of legs for a nun! She replied if you reach up a little farther you'll find a set of balls! I'm not going to be drafted either!

Two military policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from the military base. The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent. He saw a nun seated on a round bench beneath a tree, quietly reading a book.
He said to her, "Quick sister, please hide me I don't want to be drafted, and the M.P.'s are chasing me!"
She lifted up her skirt and said, "Quick hide under here."
The two policemen came by and asked if she had seen anyone. She replied, "No."
After they left she told the young man to come out and that everything was going to be OK.
He thanked her and said, "You have a nice set of legs for a nun!"
She replied, "If you reach up a little farther you'll find a nice set of balls, too. I'm not going to be drafted either!"

Q: Five policemen were on a boat. The boat sank. How many policemen died?
A: 10. Five during the accident, and five during the re-enactment.

( this joke only for Sri Lankans)
One day there were two policemen checking vehicles at the Peliyagoda bridge. At about 11. 45 pm a new car came and stopped in front of the policemen. Inside a well built European man. When he was about to speak one of the policeman just passed back of the security hut because he has very very less knowledge in English. Other policeman also in the same boat, but he cannot escape the place because somebody has to be there to face the foreigner.
Foreigner asked policeman about a road and how to go there in English. The policeman knows the road but he cannot explain in English. So he kept quiet. Foreigner asked the policeman in French. Policeman was in silence. Foreigner asked the policeman in German. Policeman was in silence. Foreigner asked the policeman in three or four other languages but could not get the answer from the policeman. So he went away.
The policeman at the back of the security hut was hearing all these things came in front more...

Two policemen are considering the problem of catching the bandit. One of them starts to calculate the optimal mixed strategy for the chase. The other policeman protests. ‘While we’re doodling, ’ he points out, ‘he is making his getaway. ’ ‘Relax, ’ says the game-theorist policeman. ‘He’s got to figure it out too, don’t he? ’”

In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Hell:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.
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In Computer Heaven:
The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

In Heaven:

The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Hell:

The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.
In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.