French Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    French Happiness

    Hot 1 year ago

    When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.
    "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
    "A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
    A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer...and no one knew what to say next.
    Finally, Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said,
    "Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word, 'appiness."

    Two men and one woman

    Hot 1 year ago

    Long, but pretty good: On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred. .. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two more...

    Heaven And Hell

    Hot 1 year ago

    In Heaven:
    The cooks are French,
    The policemen are English,
    The mechanics are German,
    The lovers are Italian,
    The bankers are Swiss.

    In Hell:
    The cooks are English,
    The policemen are German,
    The mechanics are French,
    The lovers are Swiss,
    The bankers are Italian.

    New French Tanks

    Hot 5 years ago

    Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks?
    A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!

    During the French revolution, hundreds of people were guillotined. One
    day, three men were led up to die. One was a lawyer, one was a doctor,
    and the third was an engineer.
    The lawyer was to die first. He was led to the guillotine, the attending priest blessed him, and he knelt with his head on the guillotine. The blade was released, but stopped halfway down its path. The priest, seeing an opportunity, quickly said, "Gentlemen, God has spoken and said this man is to be spared; we cannot kill him." The executioner agreed, and the lawyer was set free.
    The doctor was next. He was blessed by the priest, then knelt and placed his head down. The blade was released, and again stopped halfway down. Again the priest intervened: "Gentlemen, God has again spoken; we cannot kill this man." The executioner agreed and the doctor was set free.
    At last it was the engineer's turn. He was blessed by the priest, and
    knelt, but before he placed his head on the more...

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