Intel Jokes

In Computer Heaven:The management is from Intel, The design and construction is done by Apple, The marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, Gateway determines the pricing.In Computer Hell:The management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and construction, IBM handles the marketing, The support is from Gateway, Intel sets the price.

Subject: more microsoft c humor
Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
Project: Version - Windows 95
Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE): #include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* For the court of law */
#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one more...

Not an idiot, but plays one in his life. Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible. Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us. Not done evolving yet. Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective. Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter. Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen. Not enough sense to come in out of the rain. Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child.) Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders. Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight. Not hard-docked. Not inflated to 90 PSI. Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside.) Not much to show for four billion years of evolution. Not only rude, but ugly too. Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (- not even in the game). Not running on full thrusters. Not shooting pool on a level table. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor. Not the full quid. Not the same since they took him off more...

Not an idiot, but plays one in his life. Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible. Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us. Not done evolving yet. Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective. Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter. Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen. Not enough sense to come in out of the rain. Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child.) Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders. Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight. Not hard-docked. Not inflated to 90 PSI. Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside.) Not much to show for four billion years of evolution. Not only rude, but ugly too. Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (-- not even in the game). Not running on full thrusters. Not shooting pool on a level table. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor. Not the full quid. Not the same since they took him off more...

INTRODUCING the greatest and most powerful new chip out
of INTEL's(TM) Microprocessor Labs: The Potato(TM) Chip.
Finally, with much fanfare, the newest upgrade to the
best selling Pentium(TM) processor is released. The
Potato(TM) Chip uses the latest in biochemical and
electonic engineering. This newly developed organic
microprocessor outshines the previous generation.
The Potato(TM) Chip has 100% more speed, 100% more memory,
1/10th the heat generation and 100000% more starch than
the traditional 200Mhz PentiumPro(TM) Chip.
The new Potato(TM) Chip will soon be available in several
flavors: Standard for the generic PC, Barbeque for those
engineers and scientists who need an extra kick, Cajun for
secretaries so that the engineers can drool over it, sour-cream and onions for the very low end user, and Low Sodium for the laptop market.
Soon a modified version of the Potato(TM) Chip will be
released for the Very High End more...