Personality Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Honeymoon is Over

    Hot 7 years ago

    Six key indicators of when the honeymoon period has finished.

    1. Addictions
    Before: You tell her you don't mind the occasional cold beer on a hot day with your mates, and that you've taken recreational drugs but those days are well and truly over.
    After: For the fifth night in a row you stagger in blotto, dig out your stash and mull up, pass out in the lounge in your underpants and expect her to accept that you're just being you.

    2. Bodily functions
    Before: You spray aerosol after a crap; piss on the side of the bowl to reduce noise and never, ever fart in her presence.
    After: You fart in front of her with impunity and obvious pride, commenting on the food intake for the day and speculating on the resultant odour. Despite repeated pleas to the contrary, you fart in bed and hold her head under the covers. You think it's hilarious.

    3. Relations/Friends
    Before: Her aunty Jane is a real character with a lively personality and more...

    To determine YOUR personality. Check the gift you'd most like to get.
    Candy
    Flowers
    A sweet poem
    Sex
    Dinner/Dancing
    Waffle iron
    If you answered...
    CANDY, It means that...
    You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share...
    OR
    you're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything even true love.
    FLOWERS, It means that...
    You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture...
    OR
    you get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die.
    A SWEET POEM, It means that...
    You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word...
    OR
    you're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.
    SEX, It means that...
    You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not afraid to express your more...

    Type D Personality?

    Hot 4 years ago

    You've heard about the highly competitive behavior of type A personalities, compared to the more laid-back, personality of type Bs.
    Well now I hear there is a new label- Type D's. They are people who display constant hostility, anxiety, anger, and depression.
    Type D personality? Didn't we used to have a better name for this kind of person? I think the term was "asshole".

    Psychological Christmas Songs

    SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

    MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

    DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

    NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

    MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town. .. or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

    PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

    PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,
    I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

    OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle more...

    Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
    SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?
    MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Queens Disoriented Are.
    DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald
    Angels Sing...About Me!
    MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
    Office and Town...OH!!! Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!
    PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Town...And He Is Out to Get Me!
    PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout,
    then maybe I'll tell you why.
    DEPRESSION - Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty
    lonely.
    OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
    Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
    Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
    Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle more...

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