Disorder Jokes

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    New medical terms

    Hot 6 years ago

    AFROPHOBIA
    Fear of the return of the 70's hair styles (or the Jackson Five).
    PSEUDONYMHOMANIA
    Compulsive desire to have a lot of sex under an assumed name.
    DEJA FLU
    The feeling that one has had this cold before.
    HYPOCOINDRIA
    Fear of not having correct change.
    HAIRPIECE SWIMPLEX
    Rash caused by wearing a toupee in a pool.
    HERPES CINEPLEX
    Rash caused by movie tickets priced at $9.50.
    CELESTIAL SEASONINGS AFFECTIVE DISORDER
    Herbal-tea addiction.
    VISACARDITIS
    The heart-stopping sensation brought on by exceeding your
    credit limit.
    ALPOPLEXY
    Canine feeding disorder.
    STREISAND-BROLIN SYNDROME
    Excessive displays of affection.
    SONSTROKE
    An attack during the reading of a will
    ROSWELL-BABY SYNDROME
    Irrational fear that one's infant might be an alien.
    POST-DRAMATIC STRESS DISORDER
    Formerly David Caruso/Shelley Long Syndrome.
    RUMBATOID ARTHRITIS
    Joint stiffness caused by "La Vida more...

    Disorder in the Court: a Collection of 'Transquips'
    Collected by Richard Lederer, reprinted in N.H. Business Review
    Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are
    uttered, vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case with
    language spoken during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of
    courtroom reporters whose job it is to take down and preserve every
    statement made during the proceedings.
    Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand
    Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers
    in two books - Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court,
    published a few months ago. From Mrs. Gilman's two volumes, here
    are some of my favorite transquips, all recorded by America's keepers
    of the word:
    Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
    A. Borofkin.
    Q. What's his first name?
    A. I can't remember.
    Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you more...

    From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". These are things that people actually said in court, word for word.
    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth. Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
    Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximately milepost
    499. Q: And where is more...

    From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". These are things that people actually said in court, word for word.Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and500.Q: Sir, what is your IQ? more...

    He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. He is not a CRAP DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME. He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER. He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION. He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER. He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION. He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, more...

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