Penguin Jokes / Recent Jokes

So, this penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman “have you seen my brother? ”…
and the barman says “I don’t know, what does he look like? ” (ba-dum-tish)

So there's this penguin driving across the Nullabour Plain (that's in Australia) and it's a *really* hot day - and that's bad news for a penguin.
So, the penguin is driving and saying "Sheesh" a lot and wiping his brow with his flipper then the car starts acting up! Bumpity bumpity bump...
"Oh great", thinks the penguin. To his relief, there is a service station not too far further along. He drives in, parks his car, hops out and waddles over to the mechanic.
"Can you have a look at my car?", says the penguin, "it's making a funny sound." "Sure" says the mechanic.
"Sheesh," thinks the penguin. "It's so hot!. I think I'll go inside to the air conditioning." So he waddles over and goes inside. He mooches around, flicking through magazines, killing time.
He decides he'll buy an ice cream to help him cool down. Then he goes back out to the car. "Sheesh," he says as he waddles back over the more...

A penguin is driving down the road when his car starts to give him all kinds of trouble...the engine sputters, steam pours out of his hood and there's fluids pouring out on the road. He pulls into a garage and the mechanic tells him it'll be at least a half-hour until he can even tell him what the problem is.

The penguin walks around, has a cup of coffee and then comes across an ice cream shop, where he orders a double vanilla cone, getting it all over his face. He goes back to the garage and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.

The mechanic looks up and tells him' Looks like you've blown a seal.'

The penguin says' No! Really, I just had an ice cream cone!'

Two seniors are standing in front of the Hotel Duluth when they see a penguin walking by. Pat grabs it and asks Mike, "what should I do with him?"

Mike says, "Why don't you take him out to the zoo?"

The next day in front of the Hotel, Mike sees Pat walking with the penguin on a leash. "I thought I told you to take him to the zoo," says Mike.

"I did," says Pat, "and we had such a good time that tonight I think I'll take him to the hockey game!"

This penguin goes to get his car fixed, and the mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour. So the penguin goes to get some ice cream, and since the penguin has no hands, he gets the ice cream all over his beak. Then the penguin goes back to the mechanic, and the mechanic tells him it looks like he's blown a seal. The penguin says, "No, I promise it's just ice cream."

This penguin was having car problems, so he pulled his car into the garage for a check-up. The mechanic points at the restaurant across the street and says, “Go over there and get a bite to eat, and I’ll take a look. ” The penguin does exactly as he says.
After a while he waddles back, and the mechanic is looking under the hood. The penguin asks him if he’s been able to figure out what went wrong. The mechanic glances over his shoulder and says, “It looks like you blew a seal. ”
The penguin quickly wipes his mouth and says, “Oh, no, no –That’s just tartar sauce. ”

Every time you read the name Bob, you think the guy's first name is Best of Breed.

Your house isn't carpeted - the fuzzy furballs under your feet are soft enough.

Your hungry hubby comes home from work, lifts the cover of the pan on the stove and says, "Is this people food or dog food?"

At your dinner parties, you always double check the butter before putting it on the table.

You put important papers in the latest issue of your breed magazine. .. you know you will find them there.

You have dog hair stuck to the tape on wrapped gifts.

You show up at the car dealers with a ruler, to measure and see if your big dog crate will fit. Before the actual purchase you make the dealer cringe by insisting that you load both crates and dog into the shiny, new vehicle to make sure it works!

You remove all the seats from the van except the two in the front so you have room for crates.

You cringe at the more...