Paw Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn’t buy a kitten and
parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.
‘You’re getting your Christmas present a week early this year, ’ her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. ‘Is that what you want? ’
The little girl said, ‘It’s wonderful, mother… just what I wanted. There’s just one thing wrong! ’
‘What’s that? ’ her mother asked.
‘Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws! ’
Her mother smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you’ll find the claws are there. ’
Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worried about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days more...

A koala walks into a bar one night, slams his paw down on the table, and orders a drink. When he's done, slam goes his paw again for more. This goes on for about half an hour, and just when he was going to do it again, the barkeep told him if he was looking for a good time, there was some one in the back room who could help him, the koala decides why not and goes into the back room. There he meets a prostitute who is waiting for him. That night he has the best sex he has ever had. After the prostitute turns to the koala and says, "How about my money," the koala looked confused and the prostitute brought out a dictionary and it said... PROSTITUTE: Has sex for money. So in response the koala turn to the definition for the koala and it says. KOALA: Eats bush and leaves.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.' You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten.' Is that what you want?' The little girl said,' It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong!'' What's that?' her mother asked.' Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws!' Her mother smiled.' Don't worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there.' Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of more...

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me........ A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter.... Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.

On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me........ On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't. Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3' curly tail in more...

> Everything was rather quiet in the hundred acre wood. The trees whispered
> to each other as the wind rustled their leaves. Under a large oak tree,
> there lived Pooh bear. From inside Pooh's house, there came a steady
> bang... bang... bang!, that was making his honey jars rattle on the
> sideboard. The light came through the window, and in the evening sun Pooh
> raised the axe once more and brought it down on the tattered remains of
> Christopher Robin. "Why... won't... he... fit..." puffed Pooh to himself as
> the axe came down once more. There was a small pile of earth, and a hole
> next to it, which Pooh had hidden with his favourite rug. Christopher
> Robin, selfish prat that he was, didn't quite fit in the hole Pooh had
> dug, so instead of making it wider he had decided to hack Christopher
> Robin's legs off. "A far more sensible idea", thought Pooh, and hummed a
> little song to himself as he more...