Pasture Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. First Bull: "Boys, we all know I`ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don`t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain`t givin` him any of mine." Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I`ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we`ve agreed are mine. I`ll fight him till I run him off or kill him, but I`M KEEPIN` ALL MY COWS." Third Bull: "I`ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows." They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the more...
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't givin' him any of mine." Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight' em till I run him off or kill' im, but I AM KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS." Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows." They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the more...
A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off
the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play
through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the
plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and
badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.
He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find
his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went
over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was
a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.
A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost
golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked,
"Does this look like yours?"
That was the last thing he could remember.
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders senta message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give himits hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture towait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion."What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief."Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows but I aint' givin' him any of mine."
Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine.=
I'll fight' im till I run him off or kill' im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only more...
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
The farmer had borrowed a bull from a neighbor to service his two cows. He put the beast in the pasture and instructed his son to keep an eye on them. "As soon as the bull has finished, you come up to the house and tell me," he said.
When the farmer got back to the house, he found the Reverend there paying a social call. They were seated in the front room sipping tea when the boy burst in the door.
"Dad, Dad," he exclaimed, "the bull just--------the brown cow!"
Greatly embarrassed, the farmer took his son outside. "Is that any way to talk in front of the Reverend?" he demanded. "Why couldn't you have said the bull' surprised' the brown cow? I would've understood. Now go back down to the pasture and come tell me when the bull is finished."
A few minutes later the boy again burst into the room. "Dad, Dad-" he exclaimed.
Fearing another breach of verbal etiquette, the father interrupted.
"I more...