Pasture Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.
    After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.
    He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.
    A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked, "Does this look like yours?"
    That was the last thing he could remember.

    A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders senta message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give himits hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture towait for the lion.In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion."What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief."Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Pasture!
    Pasture who?
    Pasture bedtime isn't it!

    Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
    The first bull says, "Boys, as we all know, I've been here for 5 years. Once the three of us settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I have no idea where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't' givin' him any of mine."
    The second bull says, "That's pretty much the way I see it too. I've been here for 3 years and feel I have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
    The third bull says, "I've only been here for a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to 'take care of'. Although I may not be as big as you fellows yet, I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
    Suddenly, an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the more...

    Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
    First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows but I aint' givin' him any of mine."
    Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine.=
    I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
    Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
    They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE more...

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