Nothin Jokes

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    Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

    "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

    "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

    "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

    "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

    "No...not really. I pee every morning at 6:00 am. I piss like a race horse; no problem at all."

    "Do you have trouble taking a crap?" asked the 70-year-old.

    "Well, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30 am."

    With great exasperation, the 60-year-old more...

    Sixty is the worst age

    Hot 6 years ago

    "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
    "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
    "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
    "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
    "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
    "No, not really. I pee every morning at 6: 00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
    "Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
    "No, I crap every morning at 6: 30."
    With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this
    straight. You pee every morning at 6: 00 and crap every morning at 6: 30.
    So what's so tough about being more...

    Oh, Maw

    Hot 3 years ago

    Maw is outside the house hanging up the laundry, when she hears Jethro in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, "Jethro, get out there and fix that there outhouse."

    He says, "All right, Maw."

    He walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"

    Maw says, "Yes there is son. Put your head down in the hole."

    He puts his head down in the hole and he says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"

    He goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw! MAW, my beard's stuck!"

    She says, "Aggravatin', ain't it?"

    1. I be God. Don' be dissin me.
    2. Don' be makin hood ornaments outa me or nothin in my crib.
    3. Don' be callin me for no reason - homey don' play dat.
    4. Y'all betta be in church on Sundee.
    5. Don' dis ya mama...an if ya know who ya daddy is, don dis him neither.
    6. Don' ice ya bros.
    7. Stick to ya own woman.
    8. Don' be liftin no goods.
    9. Don' be frontin like you all that an no snitchin on ya homies.
    10. Don' be eyein' ya homie's crib, ride, or nothin.

    Maw is outside hanging up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, "Paw, get out there and fix that there outhouse."
    Paw says, "All right, Maw." Paw walks out to the outhouse, looks at it and says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"
    Maw says, "Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole."
    Paw says, "I ain't puttin my head in that there hole!"
    Maw says, "Well your gonna have to if you're gonna fix the problem!"
    So Paw puts his head down in the hole (just a little bit mind ya) and then hollers, "Maw, there ain't nothin wrong with this here outhouse!"
    Maw hollers, "Now pull your head out of the hole."
    Paw goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw! MAW, my beard's stuck in the wood cracks in the seat!"
    Maw says, "Aggravatin', ain't it?"

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