Nancy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy. "She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!" Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.
"Oh my God!", said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

You've reached Mike and Nancy's answering machine. They're not home right now. At least, I don't think they are. Hang on. (Voice moves away from recording microphone.) Mike? Nancy? (Voice comes back.) Nope, they're not here, so at the beep...

Police was investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 9th-story office.
Nancy, his voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for the action but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since she started working for him, a month ago.
"After my very first week on the job," Nancy said, "I received a raise. At the end of the second week he called me into his private office, gave me a lovely black nightie, five pairs of nylon stockings and said, 'These are for a beautiful efficient secretary.'
"At the end of the third week he gave me a fabulous mink stole. Then, this afternoon, he called me into his private office again, presented me with this fabulous diamond bracelet and asked me if I could consider making love to him and what it would cost."
"I told him that I would, and because he had been so nice to me, he could have it for just 500 bucks, although I was more...

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat!.

In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous-haired model.

She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair.

Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody.

It was the theme from "Mission Impossible."

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.' She's incredibly mixed up,' said one doctor.' She does everything absolutely backwards.

Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!'

The second doctor said,' That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!'

Suddenly, they hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall.' Oh my God!', said the first doctor,' I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!'