Goldfish Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Hot 2 years ago

    Bar Joke
    Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
    Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
    Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
    Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in
    The argument repeats itself until they are all drunk. Dave goes to the toilet.
    On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
    Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder .
    Dave: - 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
    Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
    Dave: - Oh! What's that then?
    Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?
    Dave: - Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!
    Suit: - Well, it's more...

    Dead Goldfish

    Hot 6 years ago

    A neighbor peered over his fence and noticed that little Joey was in his backyard filling in a hole. Curious about what the youngster was up to, the neighbor asked, "What are you doing, Joey?"
    Tearfully, little Joey replied, "My goldfish died and I've just buried him."
    "That's an awfully large hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" the concerned neighbor asked.
    Patting down the last bit of earth, little Joey replied, "That's because he's in your cat!"

    Dead Fish

    Hot 5 years ago

    Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "Whatcha doing, Tim?"
    "My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And I've just buried him."
    The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
    Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

    Dec 25
    My dearest darling Edward,
    What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.
    Your deeply loving,
    EmilyDec. 26
    Beloved Edward,
    The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I'm so touched and grateful!
    With undying love, as always,
    EmilyDec. 27
    My darling Edward,
    You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we'll find some. Anyway, thank-you so much; they're lovely.
    Your devoted,
    EmilyDec. 28
    Dearest Edward,
    What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly - they make telephoning almost impossible - but I expect they'll calm down more...

    Blonde and Goldfish

    Hot 8 years ago

    A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ''Now, what do I give them to drink?''

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