Stockbroker Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The stockbroker

    Hot 6 years ago

    A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move," said the broker. "It's only $1 a share."
    "Buy me 1,000 shares," said the client.
    The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right. Give me 5,000 more shares."
    The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.
    The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares."
    "Great!" said the broker.
    The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.
    Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"
    The broker asked, "To who? You were the only one buying that stock."

    Hot 1 year ago

    Bar Joke
    Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
    Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
    Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
    Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in
    here!
    The argument repeats itself until they are all drunk. Dave goes to the toilet.
    On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
    Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder .
    >>
    Dave: - 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
    Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
    Dave: - Oh! What's that then?
    Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?
    Dave: - Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!
    Suit: - Well, it's more...

    It was the stockbroker's first day in prison and on meeting his psychotic-looking cell mate he became even more nervous than ever.
    ''Don't worry, mate,'' said the prisoner when he noticed how scared the stockbroker looked. ''I'm in for a white- collar crime, too,''
    ''Oh, really?'' said the stockbroker with a sigh of relief.
    ''Yeah,'' said the prisoner. ''I murdered a priest.''

    A stockbroker catches his wife in bed with another man.He says to her, "What's going on?" She says, "Believe it or not, John, I've gone public!"

    The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.""Why would you say that?" wondered the broker."Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."

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