Mugger Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mugger approached a very well-dressed and dignified lawyer on a deserted street one night:
"Gimme your wallet and the keys to your car!"
The lawyer shook his head and said in a patronizing tone: "Do you have ANY idea what it's like to walk in my shoes or wear my clothes? I have more responsibility than you could imagine. I have a family and a firm with a hundred employees. I am in charge of it all! Look at these clothes! Do you know what I have to earn to WEAR a $3,000 suit like this? Look at this fifty dollar necktie! And these cufflinks! Now try to imagine what it is like to walk in these thousand dollar shoes! If you DID know, you would not mug me!"
The mugger looked at the pinstriped suit, the silk tie, the white shirt and the polished black business shoes worn by the lawyer.
He started to cry.
"I...I'm sorry!" he said. You're right!!"
And he lowered the gun.
"I don't want your wallet anymore or your more...

Late one night in the Washington D. C. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"

Our man was walking down a dark alley when suddenly a mugger jumped at him.

"Your money or your life" the mugger barked.

"You mean I have a choice?!!" said our man. "Here take this...."

He pulled out his wallet and gave it to the mugger.

"And this...usually this is secret money". He removed his cap and flipped it around and there! Some more money! "Wait! Here is my card. Feel free to contact me whenever you have a cash crunch!"

The mugger left confused and dazed.

"Such a nice fellow!" sobbed our man. "He gave me a choice. At home I have no choice.... my wife takes them both."

A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger.

"I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money", he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "Hey, watch it - I'm a United States Congressman!" "In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

Victim (to mugger): But my watch isnt any good, it only has sentimental value. Mugger: Thats all right. Im sentimental.

London -

A mugger was jailed for four years recently for attacking two elderly ladies who fought back so strongly that he ended up in hospital.

Matthew Frape, 28, was left with a broken ankle when Vera Hull, 78, hit him with her walking stick. He crawled away to telephone the police for help and told them he had been set upon by five youths with an iron bar. Later he confessed he had attacked Mrs. Hull and Sheila Hastings, 71, - both just 5ft 2in tall - because "they were there".

Frape approached the women near a dark alleyway near their homes. He threw Mrs. Hastings to the ground and grabbed Mrs. Hull's handbag. Mrs. Hull said after the hearing: "I wasn't going to let him get away with it. I've always been brought up to believe that you have to fight your own corner. I managed to get to my hands and knees and hit him on the head and legs two or three times with my stick."

(The Times)