Mississippi Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Canadian was observing teaching methods in schools in several African countries.
In one, she found the children doing a science lesson, timing the swing of a pendulum. The lesson had evidently been prepared in the US as the children were counting "Mississippi one, Mississippi two, Mississippi three. .."
After the lesson the Canadian gave a talk and mentioned that if children in her country were doing this experiment, they would probably use a Canadian word like "Saskatchewan" to do the timing.
The next day, the Canadian happened to drop in on the class and found them still timing the pendulum's swing, but today they were counting "Saskatche one, Saskatche two. .."

GLN (Good-Looking Nerd): "Can I help you?"
MHP (Mississippi Highway Patrolman): "Do you know how fast you were
going, boy?"
GLN: "I'm not sure. The needle doesn't reach the high numbers very well.
I would estimate somewhere between 80 and 85, closer to 85."
MHP: "You were going 84 miles an hour."
GLN: "See, I was close. I must've been going uphill."
MHP: "What was that?"
GLN: "Oh, nothing. Is there some reason you pulled me over?"
MHP: "I'm going to have to give you a ticket, boy."
GLN: "No thank you."
MHP: "What was that?"
GLN: "If it's all the same to you, I'd just as soon you keep your
ticket. I don't really have any use for one."
MHP: "Don't try to weasel your way out of this, boy. I'm going to
give you a ticket."
GLN: "What for?"
MHP: "WHAT FOR??? Speeding, that's more...

A Mississippi woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker were in Mississippi arguing about which state had the toughest trees to peck.
The Mississippi woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Texas woodpecker challenged him and was able to peck a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mississippi woodpecker was in awe.
The Texas woodpecker then challenged the Mississippi woodpecker to peck a tree in Texas that no woodpecker had been able to peck successfully. After flying to Texas, the Mississippi woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree with no problem.
The two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the Mississippi tree and the Mississippi woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?
After thinking for some time they both came to the same conclusion... Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Georgia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like hillbillies.
The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license; the hillbilly pulled out a valid Georgia hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over an d picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said: "This duck ain't from Georgia. This is a Tennessee duck. You got a Tennessee huntin' license, boy?"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Tennessee hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt and said: "This ain't no Tennessee duck. This duck's From Mississippi. You got a Mississippi license?"

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Mississippi hunting license.

The warden then more...

A Mississippi professor was at a party and became indignant when asked if college professors were absent-minded. "Professors havent got bad memories," he declared. "Theyre not absent-minded. Dont you think I know where I am right now, and dont you think tomorrow Ill know where I was last night? Would somebody like to ask me another question?" "Yes," said another guest. "Is it true that professors are absent-minded and have bad memories?" "Good!" said the professor. "I knew sooner or later somebody would ask me that question."

The Fellowship Baptist Church, in Saltillo, Mississippi kicked out a 12-year old boy who accepted Jesus into his heart. Apperantly Jesus is welcome in his heart as long as he prays somewhere else. The good Christians of the Fellowship Bapstist church are a loving group accepting of all kinds of people, providing those people aren't blacks or mulatto like the young boy. After all, love thy neighbor only applies to whitey. In other news, massive lightening strikes have leveled the Saltillo, Mississippi area.