Mirror Jokes / Recent Jokes

Boudreaux staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Thibodeaux (TIB-a-dough). He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Clotile. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Boudreaux sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Boudreaux woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Clotile staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night more...

Yo Momma and the mirror

Hot 4 years ago

Your momma is so stupid and ugly she looked in a mirror and said "get out of my house you slut!"

I own the fastest car

Hot 3 years ago

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500, 000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".

The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500, 000."

"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.

The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"

"Sure" replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice more...

Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.
Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.
Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: ''How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?''
Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
A: Ghost toasties with booberries.
Q: What's soft, moldy and flies?
A: A spoiled bat.
Q: What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
A: ''You're under a vest!''
Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
A: He had to give it back.
Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
A: He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.
Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A: A dead ringer.
Q: What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
A: I'd like to get to gnaw you.
Q: Which more...

Snow White, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were walking down the street one day."I wonder if I'm still the most beautiful woman in all the land" said Snow White.
"I wonder if I'm still the shortest man in all the land" said Tom Thumb.
"I wonder if I'm still the ugliest man in all the land" said Quasimodo.So the three decided to go and visit the magic mirror who would tell them if they still held their titles.Each went in alone to consult the mirror and came out to tell the others what they had found out."Yes, I'm still the most beautiful in all the land" said Snow White."Yes, I'm still the shortest in all the land" said Tom Thumb."Who the hell is Camilla Parker-Bowles?" said Quasimodo.

How to Shower Like a Man

Hot 6 years ago

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch
your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower).
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor more...

How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair. 11. Shave armpits and legs. 12. Turn off shower. 13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 14. Get out of shower. Dry more...