Member Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a man who woke up one morning with a red ring around his member. Astonished he panicked and hurried to the emergency room.
The Doctor looked at it and gave the man some lotion to rub on it twice a day, if no results come back tomorrow. This went on for three days when a new nurse happened to be in the same ER. She asked if she could suggest something. The Dr. at his wit's end because he wasn't able to cure the problem, agreed to let the nurse try her hand.
The nurse gave the man a smelly lotion and said rub it very gently on his member before he when to bed. The man went home and followed her instructions.
The very next day came back happy as a lark! He found the nurse and Doctor and thanked them for all they're help.
As the man left, the Dr. turned to the nurse and asked what was the miracle lotion?
The nurse smiled and replied, "Lip stick remover."

Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

Supplemental Rules for Bowling
If you holler “overs! ” before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the “overs”.
When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule “First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game”, and your team still has a chance.
After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames.
When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can’t make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the “Designated Bowler” rule.
After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say “Kings X” and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, “Fair is Fair”.
If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the lane, more...

If Scientists Wrote Nursery Rhymes How many can you solve? (Answers below)1. A research team proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologicprotuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement ofa sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact sizeof which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitantly descended, sustaining severe fractural damage to the upper cranial portion of hisanatomical structure. Subsequently, the second member of the teamperformed a self-rotational translation oriented in the direction takenby the first member. 2. Complications arose during an investigation of dietary influence: oneresearcher was unable to assimilate adipose tissue and another was unableto consume tissue consisting chiefly of muscle fiber. By reciprocalarrangement between the two researchers, total consumption of the viandsunder consideration was achieved, this leaving the original container ofthe viands devoid of contents. 3. A young male human was more...

Don't Forget to read the "Fine Print"

PRE-RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT:


The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him") being of sound mind and a bit overweight body:

1) FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet terminated. Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a more...

If you holler “overs! ” before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the “overs”.
When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule “First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game”, and your team still has a chance.
After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames.
When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can’t make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the “Designated Bowler” rule.
After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say “Kings X” and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, “Fair is Fair”.
If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the lane, knocking dow pins, by golly, you get more...

A dude was travelling in the desert when he realised he had got
lost and figured he might as well have sex with something since
he was going to die sooner or later.
So he decides to screw the camel. He sits the camel 10 metres from
him and he runs and jumps with his member fully erect. But lo and
behold the camel moves a metre and the guy falls in the hot sand
and burns his member. Unmoved by this unfortunate incident he tries
again and the result. .. the same.
He then prays to god "Please got help me, I am dying and I need to
have sex! !!". So suddenly out of the sky falls a beautiful
blone girl. She had the best body the guy had ever seen. "Thank You
God, Thank You " he says
The guy then looks at the girl and says "OK now that you are here
HOLD THE CAMEL! !!!!!!"