Member Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Mangled Member

    Hot 2 years ago

    A man was involved in a terrible accident which left his member mangled and torn from his body. The doctor assured him that modern medicine did make it possible for his manhood to be rebuilt, but since it was considered cosmetic surgery, his insurance would not cover the surgery.
    On hearing this, the man asked the doctor what the cost would be.
    "You have three choices," replied the doctor. "$4,000 for small, $7,000 for medium, and $15,000 for large."
    The man appeared pleased with this news, but couldn't decide whether he wanted the medium or the large. The doctor suggested that since the decision also affected the man's wife, he talk it over with her privately before making a final decision. The doctor then left the room to give the man some privacy while he phoned his wife to explain the options.
    When the doctor returned to the room, he found the man looking very depressed and staring into space.
    "Have you and your wife reached a more...

    Senate Slander

    Hot 6 years ago

    A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!" All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

    Died Happy

    Hot 7 years ago

    A man who had been prescribed Viagra dies "in the act" and rigor mortis has set into his private parts. The funeral director can't get the coffin lid nailed on and has to discuss the alternatives with the man's beautiful young widow. "I'm afraid that the only way to get the lid on is either to pay another $3,000 for an extra large coffin or to amputate his member."
    "Well I have no more money," states the widow, "and it is against my religion for me to bury my husband in more than one piece."
    The funeral director thinks about this and then comes up with a brain-wave: He'll amputate the member and then stick it up the deceased's backside, in which case a more expensive coffin is unnecessary and the husband will still be, in a manner of speaking, in the one piece. The widow reluctantly agrees.
    On the day of the funeral, the deceased is displayed in an open casket. As the mourners file by, one mourner places flowers on the coffin and a more...

    Potty Training Johnny

    Hot 5 years ago

    Little Johnny's parents were attempting to potty train him. When he did go to the bathroom though, it seemed like he hit everything except the toilet. Then his mother would have to go in and clean up after him.
    After a couple of weeks, she had had enough, so she took Johnny to the doctor. After explaining the problem to him, the doctor said, "Well, his member is too small. There is an old wive's tale that says to give him two slices of toast each morning and his member will grow. Then he will be able to hold it and aim straight."
    The following morning, Johnny jumped out of bed and raced downstairs to the kitchen. On the table were a dozen slices of toast.
    "Mom," Johnny yelled, "the doctor said I only have to eat two slices of toast."
    "Yes, I know son," his mother replied and smiled. "The other ten are for your dad."

    Bright and brilliant

    Hot 5 years ago

    Nawaz Sherrif comes to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee says to Nawaz Sherrif: "Well Nawaz, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant." "How do you know?" asks Nawaz Sherrif
    "Oh well, it's simple", says Atal. " They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second".
    He calls Advani over and says to him
    "Tell me Advaniji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your
    sister?" "Ah, that's simple", says Advani, "it is me!"
    "Well done Advani", says Vajpayee and Nawaz Sherrif is very impressed.
    He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet. He calls in his favourite
    member of cabinet and asks: "Tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is more...

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