"Mangled Member" joke

A man was involved in a terrible accident which left his member mangled and torn from his body. The doctor assured him that modern medicine did make it possible for his manhood to be rebuilt, but since it was considered cosmetic surgery, his insurance would not cover the surgery.
On hearing this, the man asked the doctor what the cost would be.
"You have three choices," replied the doctor. "$4,000 for small, $7,000 for medium, and $15,000 for large."
The man appeared pleased with this news, but couldn't decide whether he wanted the medium or the large. The doctor suggested that since the decision also affected the man's wife, he talk it over with her privately before making a final decision. The doctor then left the room to give the man some privacy while he phoned his wife to explain the options.
When the doctor returned to the room, he found the man looking very depressed and staring into space.
"Have you and your wife reached a decision?" the doctor asked.
"Yes," the man replied, sounding very dejected. "After discussing it, my wife has decided she'd rather remodel the kitchen."

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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A physician visited a California mental institution and asked a patient "How did you get here? What is the nature of your illness?"
He got this reply.
"It started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a more...

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

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A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

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2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is more...

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