A little boy put on his baseball uniform and went outside to play, chanting "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!" He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike one!
He adjusts his hat and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"
He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike two!
He adjusts his hat a little more, takes a couple of practice swings and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"
Once more, he throws the ball in the air, swings and misses again. Strike three!
He thinks for a few moments about what just took place, then says, "I'm the best pitcher in the world!"
Liberals want to solve the marijuana problem by making it legal.
Conservatives want to solve the wife-beating problem by making it legal.
Liberals want to strike down all abortion laws, so that unwanted babies can be killed off before they're born.
Conservatives want to strike down the welfare laws, so that unwanted babies can be starved to death after they're born.
The conservative would prevent rape by locking up his wife and daughters.
The liberal would prevent rape by legalizing prostitution. Neither considers locking up rapists, because the liberal says it's society's fault and the conservative says it costs too much money.
A priest and a lawyer go golfing. The lawyer goes first. He takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" The priest says, "Do not say that or God will strike you down."
On the next hole the lawyer takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" The priest says, "If you say that one more time God will strike you down."
On the third hole the lawyer takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" Suddenly a huge lightning bolt comes down from the sky and hits the priest. And then a big voice from above says, "DAMN IT, I MISSED!"
A shy little four-year old girl was at the dentist for her first check-up and cleaning. The hygenist attempted to strike up a conversation with her, but received no response.
After the cleaning was finished, the dentist was called in to do the final check. He, too, tried to strike up a conversation with the little girl and received no response.
"Don't you know how old you are?" the dentist asked. The little girl immediately held up four fingers.
"Oh, I see," replied the dentist, "and do you know how old that is?"
Once again, the little girl held up four fingers.
Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked, "Can you talk?"
With a solemn look, the little girl replied, "Can you count, asshole?"
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