Medication Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was suffering from impotence, so he went to see a specialist. The doctor gave him a prescription that he was to take faithfully three times a day, and always with food.
A couple of days later, the man was at a formal banquet and didn't want any of the other guests to spot and possibly identify his pink and purple capsule of medication. So, he instructed the waiter to empty the capsule into his soup, thinking he could eat his soup openly with everyone else, take his medication, and preserve his privacy all at the same time.
However, when the soup was served everyone received a bowl of it but the man, who began feeling conspicuous and angry. He confronted the waiter and asked why he hadn't been served his 'special' soup.
"Well, sir, I poured your medication into your bowl as instructed. Since then, I have been waiting for the noodles to lie down."

THEME SONGS FOR THE VIAGRA COMMERCIALS
- Written by Eric Targan,
While Pfizer has had a lot of great press reagarding the launch of Viagra, the new male impotency medication, its marketing department has been working vigorously to develop its advertising campaign to augment its sales once all of the PR has died down.
While going through potential commercials, they realized that such an important medication needed a theme song to help its long term identity.
Here are a few of the top suggestions that came up in the meeting.
(Special Thanks to Regina for her help)
I am a Rock
- Paul Simon
Suddenly
- B. Ocean
A Hard Days Night
- The Beatles
Please Mr. Postman
Can't Buy Me Love (Now you can)
- The Beatles
Do That To Me One More Time
- Captain and Tenille
Everlasting Love
- The Bee Gees
Take Me Out To The Ballgame
Let Your Love Flow
- L. E. Williams
A Had Days Night
- The Beatles
Longer
- more...

woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.She didn`t know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don`t know how to use this."So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was more...

A blonde woman was at work when she received a phone call
that her daughter was very sick with a fever.
She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to
get some medication.
She got back to her car and found that she had
locked her keys in the car
She didn't know what to do, so she called home and
told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting
worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and
use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat
hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by
someone else who at some time had locked
their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger
and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.
Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled
up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was
wearing an old biker skull rag on his more...

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness, requiring medication. The zoo people couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so a California pharmacologist developed a suppository. The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame.

Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers, including one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears a full-arm glove.

Why am I telling you this????

Just think -

FIVE people have jobs worse than yours! Now stop bitching and get back to work.

Have you heard about the new medication that both an aphrodisiac and laxative? It's called "Easy Cum, Easy Go".

A man goes to his doctor, complaining that he hasn't been feeling very well.
After examining him, the doctor leaves the room and returns a few minutes later with three different bottles of pills.
"Take one blue pill with a large glass of water when you wake up in the morning. After lunch, take one red pill with a large glass of water. Then, just before going to bed, take one green pill with a large glass of water," the doctor says.
"Gosh, doc, that sure is a lot of medication," the startled man stammers. "What's wrong with me?"
"You aren't drinking enough water!" replies the doctor.