Mcdonald Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Heavenly Diet

    Hot 1 year ago

    And God populated the earth with cauliflower, spinach, broccoli and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would be able to live long and healthy lives.
    And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "Would you like fries with that?"
    And Man replied, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
    And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so attractive.
    And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And Woman gained pounds.
    And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
    And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese.
    And there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.
    And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
    And Satan more...

    The Final Exam

    Hot 4 years ago

    The two college football players knew that if they failed this final exam, they would be placed on academic probation and wouldn't be permitted to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank and the final question was, "Old McDonald had a _______."
    Poor Bubba was really stumped. He knew he needed to get this one right to pass. Checking to make sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.
    "Pssssst, Tiny," Bubba whispered, "what the answer to the last question?"
    Tiny made sure the professor hadn't noticed, then turned to Bubba and said, "Gee Bubba, you sure are dumb. Everyone knows Old McDonald had a farm."
    "Right, I remember now," Bubba said. He picked up his pencil to fill in the answer and immediately stopped.
    Tapping Tiny on the shoulder again, he whispered, "How do you spell farm?"
    "You really are stupid, Bubba," Tiny replied. more...

    10. Your "Quarter Pounder" has a long, thin tail.
    9. The kid serving you has grill marks on his forehead.
    8. Sign out front reads, "No shirt, no shoes, no reason you can't get a job here."
    7. Their Mayor McCheese was caught in a hotel room smoking crack.
    6. Blocking drive-thru is the bloated body of Wendy's founder Dave Thomas.
    5. Manager takes a bite out of every burger to make sure it's okay..
    4. In his photo, employee of the month is holding a mug shot number.
    3. You spill vanilla shake and it burns a hole right through your pants.
    2. A guy dressed as Ronald McDonald keeps asking to touch your food.
    1. Their slogan: "Did somebody say 'E Coli'?"

    A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
    "About 32," is the reply.
    "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.
    The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
    Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
    The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
    Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"
    While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her more...

    And God populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
    And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger.
    And Satan said to Man "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them". And Man gained pounds.
    And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.
    And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And woman gained pounds.
    And God said "Try my crispy fresh salad."
    And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits and shredded cheese.
    And there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.
    And God said "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
    And Satan brought forth chicken-fried more...

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