Vegetables Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager:
    - "Got any fresh fruit?"
    - "No."
    - "Got any fresh vegetables?"
    - "No. We have only canned and dry goods."
    The next day, the duck returns:
    - "Got any fresh fruit?"
    - "No."
    - "Got any fresh vegetables?"
    - "No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor."
    On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks:
    - "Got any nails?"
    - "No."
    - "Got any fresh fruit?"

    Veggies

    Hot 3 weeks ago

    ALL DIET FAQ's answered...
    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
    So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
    Need grain?
    Eat chicken.
    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
    Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms up!
    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!
    Q: Is swimming good more...

    A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager," Gotany fresh fruit?""No.""Got any fresh vegetables?""No. We have only canned and dry goods."The next day, the duck returns."Got any fresh fruit?""No.""Got any fresh vegetables?""No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor."On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks,"Got any nails?""No.""Got any fresh fruit?"

    The other day, it was my turn to prepare dinner, so I asked my wife to go over to the local market and buy some organic vegetables.She came back rather upset. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy. I went and looked
    around for your organic vegetables and I couldn't find any. So I asked him where the organic vegetables were.""He didn't know what I was talking about, so I said,' These vegetables are for my husband. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'""And he said,' No, ma'am. You'll have to do that yourself.'"

    And God populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
    And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger.
    And Satan said to Man "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them". And Man gained pounds.
    And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.
    And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And woman gained pounds.
    And God said "Try my crispy fresh salad."
    And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits and shredded cheese.
    And there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.
    And God said "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
    And Satan brought forth chicken-fried more...

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