Maxwell Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman has three daughters who get married. She asks them to write to her in two words to describe their happiness.
First daughter gets married and after three days the woman gets a note.
It reads 'Maxwell House'. The woman was confused but then read an advert in the paper for Maxwell House coffee reading: "Satisfaction guaranteed".
So the woman was happy for her daughter.
Second daughter gets married and after seven days the woman gets a note.
It reads 'Rothmans Cigarettes'. The woman was baffled but then read an advert in the paper reading "Lifetime, King-size". So the mother was very happy that her daughter had married well.
Third daughter gets married, but the woman is worried, it's been four weeks and no word. Finally, on the fifth week the woman gets a note. It reads "British Airways". So then mum rushed to read an advert about BA, and shock, horror!
She faints. The advert read: "Three times a day, seven days a more...

(Forwarded by a mate in the UK)
A mother had three daughters. She asked all three of them to make sure they wrote home after their weddings and tell her about married life.
The first daughter wrote back on the second day after her marriage. The letter arrived with a single message, "Maxwell House Coffee."
Mother was confused but finally noticed an advertisement for Maxwell House Coffee. The advertisement said "Satisfaction to the Last Drop." So, Mother was happy.
Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home her reply. The message simply read "Rothmans."
So the Mother looked for an advertisement for Rothmans. She found one, and it read "KING SIZE." Mother was happy.
Then it was the third daughter's wedding. Mother was anxious because this time it took four weeks for a message to arrive. When it did the message was simply "British Airways."
Mother was concerned. She frantically more...

Chappell just stood on his feet and smashed it to the boundary.

Daddy, I want to go uckies.
- Hamish Maxwell, 2, to his father Jim on air

The sight of Bright holds no fright for Wright. .. and the riposte That's right!

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings she asked them to write home and tell her about their married life. The first wrote back on the second day. The letter arrived with a single message:' Maxwell Coffeehouse.' The mother was confused but finally noticed a Maxwell coffee ad, and it said,' Satisfaction to the last drop...' So the mother was happy. Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home her reply. The message read:' Rothmans.' So the mother looked for the Rothmans ad, and it said,' LIFE SIZE, KING SIZE.' And the mother was happy. Then it was the third one's wedding. The mother was anxious. It took four weeks for a message to come through. When it did the message was simply:' BRITISH AIRWAYS.' The mother was so concerned. She frantically went through all the newspapers at home looking for a BA ad. When she found one she fainted. The ad read:' TWO TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS.'

Mildred: "Would you like to go the movie with me?" Maxwell: "I'm already going with Agnes." Mildred: "I'll hold your thingie if you go with me." Maxwell: "Agnes says she'll hold my thingie" Mildred: "What's Agnes got that I don't?" Maxwell: "Parkinson's."