Mattress Jokes / Recent Jokes

Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation.
By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mattress.
Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded.
"If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button."
"What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked.
"No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied.
"A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on herself."

Dear Jokers who provide Yo mama jokes,
Please do not post yo mama jokes previously posted in this Joke Page.
It's a waste of your time, our time and bandwith.
Please read the following collection of YO MAMA SO FAT' jokes. Future
jokers, read this and if you can find something new about the fat mama
then submit your joke. (OLD MAMA, TALL MAMA, POOR MAMA etc.
will follow)
YO MAMA IS SO FAT
Yo mama so fat. . . she's fat!
Yo mama so fat God can't lift her spirits!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
Yo mama so fat God said "Let there be Light", and moved her fat ass.
Yo mama so fat I got rich by making her sit on coal.
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side!
Yo mama so fat I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back.
Yo mama so fat I saw her on top of the Empire State building snatching at airplanes.
Yo mama so fat I'm more...

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB - $850/offer AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK - $2000 STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT - $15 FREE PUPPIES: COCKER SPANIEL - SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG. SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL. FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME. FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50 NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" SHAKESPEARE'S more...

A highly anal-retentive woman was shopping in a furniture store for a new mattress. As she bent over to examine the seventeenth mattress she had considered, she suddenly cut a horrendous fart.

"Excuse me," she said, embarrassed, to the clerk who was helping her.

"Hey, I'm used to it, lady," he said. "When you see the price on that one, you'll shit!"

Colorado
• Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
• Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.
• Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
• Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
• Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
• Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes more...

Did you hear about the new muslim air mattress?
It blows itself up.

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
Free Yorkshire Terrior.
8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog
Free Puppies:
Part German Shepherd
Part Stupid Dog
German Shepherd - 85lbs.
Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
1 Man, 7 Women hot tub - $850/offer
Amana Washer $100.
Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Snow blower for sale.
Only used on snowy days.
2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box,
Comes with its own
1988 Mustang, 5L, Auto
Excellent Condition, $6,800.
83 Toyota Hunchback - $2,000
Star Wars Job of the Hut - $15
Soft & Genital Bath Tissues
or Facial Tischue - $.89
Full-Sized Mattress
20 Year Warranty
Like New! Slight urine smell.
FREE 1 Can of Pork & Beans
With Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home
Nordic Track $300
Hardly more...