Mattress Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Q: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other? A: An air mattress.

    1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB - $850/offer
    AMANA WASHER $100.
    OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
    SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
    ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
    FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG
    2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
    1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
    TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1998 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
    COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
    83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK - $2000
    STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT - $15
    FREE PUPPIES:
    1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
    1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
    FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
    8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
    SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE
    89 cents
    GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
    NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
    FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY.
    LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
    FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
    FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
    NORDIC TRACK $300 more...

    1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB - $850/offer AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK - $2000 STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT - $15 FREE PUPPIES: COCKER SPANIEL - SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG. SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL. FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME. FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50 NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" SHAKESPEARE'S more...

    Colorado
    • Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
    • Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.
    • Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
    • Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
    • Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
    • Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes more...

    Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation.
    By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mattress.
    Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded.
    "If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button."
    "What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked.
    "No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied.
    "A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on herself."

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