Material Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Midterm Exam

    Hot 1 year ago

    The Professor Of A Graduate-School Class Of Gifted Students Included A Huge Amount Of Material On The Midterm Exam.

    Tension In The Room Built, People Were Sighing And Gasping Aloud As They Realized How Much Material They Had Covered And Were Expected To Recall.

    The Following Week The Professor Tossed The Graded Papers On Her Desk And Announced, "Class, After I Left Here Last Week, The Lord Spoke To Me. He Said,' Thanks, Professor. I Haven't Heard From Some Of Those People In Years!'"

    In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is permitted to purchase and wear his first kilt.
    A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!"
    So, the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed.
    A few days later, the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case ye want anything else made of it."
    So, the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, more...

    MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials Information
    System
    Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115
    lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Large
    quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.
    PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
    1. Surface Tension-soft and warm.
    2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
    3. Boils at nothing.
    4. Freezes without reason.
    5. Melts with special reason.
    6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
    7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common
    ore.
    8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points.
    9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
    10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to
    reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
    CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
    1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.
    2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive more...

    Dear Sir,
    I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
    I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.
    Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly more...

    FBI Want-Ads

    Hot 4 years ago

    The FBI puts an Ad in the newspaper, "Wanted FBI agents." After sorting through all the applicants they narrow it down to three. They bring the first in for an interview and the interviewing agent says to the gentleman, "We are the FBI, we solemnly do the duty of the country and always put the country before ourselves. Anything asked of us, we must do. Whether we like it or not. All our agents must be totally loyal." The guy responds that he always wanted to be an FBI agent and it has been his dream.
    The agent then pulls out a gun and puts it on the table. "Please, go into the next room where your wife is and shoot her."
    The gentleman gets a repulsed look upon his face. "I can't do that. She is my wife and I love her with all my heart!"
    The agent than says that he just isn't FBI material, but thanks him for coming down.
    They then bring in the second man. The agent goes over the speel of loyalty for the country above all else. more...

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