Martha Jokes / Recent Jokes
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."
And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still more...
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, ''Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane.'' And every year Martha would say, ''I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.''
One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, ''Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.''
Martha replied, ''Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.''
The pilot overheard them and said, ''Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars.'' Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to more...
Stumpy Grider and his Wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said "Ya know Mahtha, Ah'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane".
Every year Martha would say, "Ah know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs".
So Stumpy says, "By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go".
Martha replies, "Stumpy, that theah aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs".
So the pilot overhears them and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars".
They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard; he does it one more time, still nothing... so fair is fair and he more...
Stumpy Grider and his Wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said "Ya know Mahtha, Ah'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane". Every year Martha would say, "Ah know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs". So Stumpy says, "By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go".Martha replies, "Stumpy, that theah aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs".So the pilot overhears them and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars".They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard; he does it one more time, still nothing... so fair is fair and he lands.He turns to more...
1. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 2. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. 3. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible. 4. A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman. .. then. .. pow!... it was.. all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Ahhh my wife found out! 5. Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. 6. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch. 7. A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!" Martha responds excitedly, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?!" The man responds, "I don't care... just so long as you're out of the house by more...
Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said " Ya know Mahtha, I'd like
ta get a ride in that theah aihplane." and every year Martha would say "I know Stumpy, but that ihplane ride costs ten dollahs... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So Stumpy says "By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go." Martha replies "Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten
dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So the pilot overhears them and says "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars."
They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard, he does it one more time, still nothing... so he lands.
He turns to more...
On a sunny morning Fred woke up. His wife sat beside him, looking very angry.
'Who is Martha!?' she shouted, 'spit it out!'
'Calm down', Fred said, 'what's your problem?'
'My problem is: you called her name I think six times while you slept! WHO IS SHE?'
'Oh, she's a horse I bet on last week.'
So they did their things and when Fred came home from work that night, his wife looked at him.
'What's the deal?' Fred asked.
'Your horse called', his wife replied...