Marching Jokes / Recent Jokes

A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.
A rancher rode past.
“Say, friend”, called out one of the men, “how far is it to the next town? ”
“Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon, ” called back the rancher. Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.
“How far to the next town? ” the men asked him eagerly.
“Oh, a good two miles. ”
A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher. “Hey, how far’s the next town? ”
“Not far, ” was the encouraging answer, “only about two miles. ”
“Well, ” sighed the optimistic sergeant, “thank God, we’re holding our own, anyhow! ”

A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.

A rancher rode past.

"Say, friend", called out one of the men, "how far is it to the next town?"

"Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon," called back the rancher. Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.

"How far to the next town?" the men asked him eagerly.

"Oh, a good two miles."

A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher. "Hey, how far's the next town?"

"Not far," was the encouraging answer, "only about two miles."

"Well," sighed the optimistic sergeant, "thank God, we're holding our own, anyhow!"

An army grunt stands in the rain after marching 12 miles with a 35-pound pack on his back and says, "God, this is shit." An army airborn recruit stands in the rain after jumping from an airplane and marching 18 miles with a 45-pound pack on his back and says with a smile, "God, this is shit." An army Airborn Ranger lies in the mud after jumping from a plane into a swamp and marching 25 miles with a 55-pound pack on his back and says with a grin, "God, I love this shit!" A green beret kneels in the stinking mud of a swamp with a 65-pound pack on his back after jumping from an airplane into the ocean, swimming ten miles to the swamp and crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault the enemy camp and says with a passionate snarl, "God, give me more of this shit!" An Air force recruit sits in an easy chair in his air-conditioned, carpeted quarters and says, "The cable's out? What kind of shit is this?"

One American soldier in Macedonia to another, "I dread the day they tell us to march on the enemy with bayonets fixed."

"Afraid of the enemy?" asked his buddy.

"No, of the guy marching behind me. He always takes an extra step when the sergeant tells us to halt."

Thank you for calling the US Army. We're sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, region, specific crisis and a number where you can be reached.

As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, China, the Y2K Bug, marching up and down the streets of Washington, D.C. and attending the compulsory Consideration of Others Training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please choose from the following options:

If your crisis is small and is located near the sea, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps.

If your concern is distant, with temperate climate and good hotels, and can be solved by one or two low-risk high-altitude bombing runs, press 2 for the United States Air Force. Please note that this service is not available after 1630 hours, or on weekends. Special consideration will be given more...

TUBA: This is a sonic weapon that when set off can produce sub sonic tones causing a general feeling of uneasiness and queasiness to those within its effective range. In addition, one may attach a sousaphone to a marching column of soldiers. As all tubists drag, the ever-slowing performance of um-pahs will eventually reduce the marching soldiers to a snail's pace causing them to be late for a battle or not arrive at all. The most effective countermeasure is to feed the tubist with great quantities of beer (imports if you have them). It won't improve his playing but makes him more enjoyable to be around.

(Sorry guys, you have to be a Ceylonese to enjoy this joke)
So, the King Dutugemunu decided to teach a lesson to King Elara becuase he behaved too badly.
When King Dutugemunu starts off to make war, he always accompany his 10 great fighters or
the so called' Dasa Maha Yodhayo'. Pussadeva is the one who always lead the battalion with the
famous conch shell in hand. It is said that when he blows that conch shell the sound of it can
be heard from a distance of 8 miles('Siv yodunak').
This particular day, Pussadeva could not find his conch shell (or' Haka' in Sinhalese) when summoned
by the King Dutugemunu. Unable to find a' Haka' fitting to a Yodaya, he had to borrow the next biggest
'haka' from the temple. This' haka' popularly known as' pansal haka' too is as big as' Pussadeva haka'.
The army is marching towards Vijithapura with Pussadeva leading with his' pansal haka' in hand. They
were marching on a' palama' (bridge) over the river more...