Far Jokes

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    Nick The Dragonslayer

    Hot 1 year ago

    Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.

    Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.

    One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.

    Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1, 000 gold coins to arrange it.

    Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

    Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that more...

    'Twas The Night Before Christmas,
    He Lived All Alone,
    In A One Bedroom House Made Of
    Plaster And Stone.
    I Had Come Down The Chimney
    With Presents To Give,
    And To See Just Who
    In This Home Did Live.
    I Looked All About,
    A Strange Sight I Did See,
    No Tinsel, No Presents,
    Not Even A Tree.
    No Stocking By Mantle,
    Just Boots Filled With Sand,
    And On The Wall Pictures
    Of Far Distant Lands.
    ith Medals And Badges,
    Awards Of All Kinds,
    A Sobering Thought
    Came To My Mind.
    For This House Was Different,
    So Dark And So Dreary,
    The Home Of A Warrior,
    Now I Could See Clearly.
    The Warrior Lay Sleeping,
    Silent, Alone,
    Curled Up On The Floor
    In This One Bedroom Home.
    The Face Was So Gentle,
    The Room In Such Disorder,
    Not How I Pictured
    A United States warrior.
    Was This The Hero
    Of Whom I'd Just Read?
    Curled Up On A Poncho,
    The Floor more...

    Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.

    Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.

    Mrs. Mueller is first.

    "What do you wish for yourself?"

    "I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."

    "Okay, that shall be granted to you."

    Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few more...

    A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.

    A rancher rode past.

    "Say, friend", called out one of the men, "how far is it to the next town?"

    "Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon," called back the rancher. Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.

    "How far to the next town?" the men asked him eagerly.

    "Oh, a good two miles."

    A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher. "Hey, how far's the next town?"

    "Not far," was the encouraging answer, "only about two miles."

    "Well," sighed the optimistic sergeant, "thank God, we're holding our own, anyhow!"

    He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia.

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