Far Jokes

Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.

Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.

Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1, 000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that more...

'Twas The Night Before Christmas,
He Lived All Alone,
In A One Bedroom House Made Of
Plaster And Stone.
I Had Come Down The Chimney
With Presents To Give,
And To See Just Who
In This Home Did Live.
I Looked All About,
A Strange Sight I Did See,
No Tinsel, No Presents,
Not Even A Tree.
No Stocking By Mantle,
Just Boots Filled With Sand,
And On The Wall Pictures
Of Far Distant Lands.
ith Medals And Badges,
Awards Of All Kinds,
A Sobering Thought
Came To My Mind.
For This House Was Different,
So Dark And So Dreary,
The Home Of A Warrior,
Now I Could See Clearly.
The Warrior Lay Sleeping,
Silent, Alone,
Curled Up On The Floor
In This One Bedroom Home.
The Face Was So Gentle,
The Room In Such Disorder,
Not How I Pictured
A United States warrior.
Was This The Hero
Of Whom I'd Just Read?
Curled Up On A Poncho,
The Floor more...

In a far away middle eastern country, a brigade of American soldiers were stationed at a camp, outside of town. A new brigade commander comes over to take up command after the earlier one retires.

He asks the sargeant to take him around the camp, so he can familiarise himself. They go all around the camp and comes to closed shed. The commander inquires what's inside. The sergeant says there is a camel inside.

When the commander asks why the sergeant hesitates a bit and goes in to an explanation with a embarrassed face, "Well sir our men are far away from their wives and girlfriends, so when they don't do it for a long time it can get very frustrating, so we use the camel to.."

The commander bursts out furiously "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard, I command you to halt this immediately. We are a fighting unit, not a bunch of wild animals!" he yells and walks away steaming. Time goes by and the commander starts feeling more...

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom is the best piece of ass in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mother, and it was sw-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mother was squealing the whole time!"

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

The young man addressed his prospective father-in-law: "Sir, I would like to marry your daughter."
"I'm afraid, son," the older man replied, "that you couldn't support her in the manner to which she is accustomed."
"Your daughter and I have talked it over, and she has consented to live on what I earn."
"That's fine. But remember that after a while a little one may come along, and that will mean added expense."
"Well, that's true, sir," the youth agreed, "but we've been lucky so far."