Makeup Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal; but boys and girls are not born the same.
1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.
2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your
home to the church, even if you're driving there.
3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.
4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they more...

a kids mum is putting on makeup. she then says shit. "what is shit" asked the kid. "its another word for putting on makeup said the mum. then the kid goes to the park where a man is selling condoms. "what are condoms asked the kid. condoms is another word for coats sed the man. at home the kids mum and dad are having an srgument and are calling each other bitches and bastards. what are bitches and bastards asks the the kid. bitches and bastards is just another word for ladies and gentlemen sed the kids parents. in the kitchen the kids dad is cooking a chicken and he says fuck. what is fuck sed the kid. it is another word for cooking the chicken says the dad. later on the doorbell rings and the kids parents tell the kid to answer the door. so the kid answers the door and says bitches and bastard may i take your condoms my mum is upstairs shiting on her makeup and my dad is in the kitchen fucking the chicken.

'Are you ready to leave?' - Definition of the word 'yes'
Appropriate rhetorical questions (Formerly, 'Honey, do I look fat?')
Elementary Map Reading
Crying and law enforcement
Advanced Math Seminar - Program your VCR
You can go shopping for less than 4 hours
Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: a study in contrast
The Seven-Outfit Week
PMS - It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine (was: It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty - Deal With It)
Driving I: Getting past automatic transmission
Driving II: The meaning of blinking red lights
Driving III: Approximating a constant speed
Driving IV: Makeup and Driving - It's As Simple As Oil and Water
The Super Bowl: Not a Game - A Sacrament
Telephone Translations (was: 'Me Too' equals 'I Love You')
How to Earn Your Own Money
Gift-giving Fundamentals (was: Fabric Bad, Electronics Good)
Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
Know When to Say When: The more...

The Differences:

HIM:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car b/c you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
12A Hit "cancel"
12B Call husband to get correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check more...

It is Thanksgiving Day and a family is preparing dinner awaiting the arrival of the children's grandparents. Thomas, who is four is running around looking for is new pair of grey socks. He ventures up to the washroom where his mother is putting makeup on. Not realizing the boy is there she yells "shit" when she accidently gets makeup in her eyes. Never hearing the word before, the boy asks her, "Mommie, what does shit mean?"
The mother quickly replies, "Shit is just another word for makeup dear."
Thomas then asks his mom if she knows where his socks are and she tells him to go downstairs and ask his father.
The boy's father is stuffing the turkey when he cuts his finger by mistake. He says "fuck." The boy asks him if he's seen his socks and the father tells him to go look in his sister's room. Before the boy leaves he asks his father what fuck means and the father says "stuff". "Like stuffing a more...