Maiden Jokes / Recent Jokes
The commanding officer got to know that jawans of his regiment were in the habit of giving nicknames to their senior officers. He was curious to know what they called him behind his back. He summoned a young subaltern and questioned him. After some hesitation, the youngster replied,' Sir, they call you the virgin.'
The commanding officer was pleased.' No doubt it is because of the maiden, innovative ideas I have introduced in army discipline,' he said.
'No, sir,' replied the subaltern.' It is because they think you have no experience of any kind.'
A saleswoman is driving toward home in North Western Montana, when she sees a Native American Indian Maiden thumbing for a ride on the side of the road.
As the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Indian Maiden gets in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian Maiden notices a brown bag on the front seat.
"What's in the bag?", asks the Indian Maiden.
"It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband," says the saleswoman.
The Indian Maiden is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."
There was a young farmer who lived on a rock
He liked to count sheep while he fingered his...
Marbles and toys as in days of old yore
And for a companion he had a young...
Maiden whose passion was playing with dolls
She told him she wanted to nuzzle his...
Sweet violets
Sweeter than the roses
Covered all over from head to toe
In sweet violets
The farmer was pleased with all of his luck
She claimed that she'd show him a new way to...
Bring up the children and teach them to knit
While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling...
Hay from the stables and filling the rick
He told her he'd let her grab hold of his...
Long middle finger which had a slight rash
To soothe it he jammed it right into her...
Sweet violets
Sweeter than the roses
Covered all over from head to toe
In sweet violets
The farmer then left her and went off to hunt
He said, "While I'm gone take good care of your...
Little more...
The demon bowler sent his thunderbolts whizzing past batsman and wicket-keeper for boundary byes from every ball of his opening over. The captain said,' I think I'll rest you for a while.'
'You can't do that,' said the bowler.' I've just bowled a maiden over.
'Women like that are a luxury I can't afford at the moment,' acidly replied the captain.
- "Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?"
- "Been there, slain that."
- "What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?"
- "They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know."
- "When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched."
- "Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chamber floor."
- Wench: "What's that sound?" Knight: "That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding."
- "Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!"
- "Your hovel or mine?"
- "Pardon me, madam, but wouldst thou like to see my long sword in action?"
- "Dost thou practice safe hex?"
- "Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within."
- "I have more...
"Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?"
"Been there, slain that."
"What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?"
"They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know."
"When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched."
"Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor."
Wench: "What's that sound?" Knight: "That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding."
"Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!"
"Your hovel or mine?"
"Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my long sword in action?"
"Dost thou practice safe hex?"
"Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within."
"I have the key to your more...
Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you? Been there, slain that. What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this? They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know. When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched. Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor. Wench: What's that sound? Knight: That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding. Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague! Your hovel or mine? Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my long sword in action? Dost thou practice safe hex? Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within. I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart. You should be glad I'm not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now. I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I'm walking on! Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed more...