Grab Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    BORED

    Hot 6 years ago

    1. Stand perfectly still at the front window until someone on the street notices you. Quickly pull the blinds down, then, seconds later, peer around the blinds at them. Proceed until they a) Go away, or b) Call the police.
    2. Play the same CD on every stereo in the house at once. Try to synchronize them.
    3. SCARE YOUR PETS!!! Then cuddle them. THEN SCARE THEM AGAIN!!! Then cuddle them. Ahh, a nice, quiet cuddle-SCARE!!! No baby, it's okay... SCARE!!! If they run away, they'll be back, for food; make sure you're ready for action when they return.
    4. Sit on the front porch with a bottle of scotch. Yell abuse at pedestrians. Say nonsense. Wave your arms. Yell. For bonus points, colour a tooth black beforehand.
    5. Hide in the bushes near your mailbox and wait for the mailman to arrive. When he reaches for the mailbox, scream as loud as you can. If he tries again, scream again.
    6. Report a robbery to the police. When they arrive and ask what was stolen, reply "Only more...

    No Refund On Specials

    Hot 3 years ago

    A woman entered a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a coffee maker for refund because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
    All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, "Grab my Breasts! Grab my breasts!"
    The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he could help.
    She explained that she wanted to return the coffee maker for refund because it didn't work, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought it on special.
    Once again she yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"
    The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase.
    She replied, "Because I like my breasts grabbed when I'm getting screwed!"

    Long Island Duck

    Hot 3 years ago

    This lady in N.Y. City use to go to a corner store that sells ducks and she was known to go there to by a Long Island duck at all times, one day she did her usual routine and stop at that corner store to by a Long Island duck, she notest a new owner operating the store so she ask him for a Long Island duck, the man went to the back and grab a duck and give it to her, she toke the duck, put's her finger in the ducks ass and says, excuse me sir but I asked for a Long Island duck and this is a new jersey duck, so the man looked at her, went to the back and grab another duck, gives it to her and again she put's her finger in the duck's ass and says, excuse me again sir but I've told you that I want a Long Island duck and this is a New York duck, the man looked at her angry, goes to the back and grabs another one and gives it to her, she did the inspection again and said, sir, finally you got it right, this is a long Island duck! By the way sir you look new here, where you from? The man more...

    The Brits

    Hot 1 year ago

    This wind-up article appeared recently in an American magazine. It was taken seriously by a lot of people...

    MONEY
    The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" - the equivalent of seventeen cents American.

    MAKING FRIENDS
    If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser"- he will be touched. The English are a notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street.

    CUSTOMS
    Since their Labour government whole heartedly embraced full union with Europe the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two or more...

    A woman goes into Wal-Mart and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. All of a sudden, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming! "GRAB MY BREASTS! GRAB MY BREASTS!"
    The clerk, not knowing what to do, runs to get the store manager. The manager comes up to the Woman and asks, "What's wrong?"
    She explains the situation with the toaster. He tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming, "GRAB MY BREASTS! GRAB MY BREASTS!"
    In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?" In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY BREASTS GRABBED WHEN I'M GETTING SCREWED!"

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