Louis Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight? A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!! Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood.... good thing he didn't say two! Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS. For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA. New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!! They are making a new boxing term for Tyson.... instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh. "Evander was Van Gogh'd in the third!!!"Can't beat um... Eat um!!!! If Tyson fights Golatta, is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite? In this corner Evander "the Real Meal" Holyfield!!!!!!! Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice. Iron BITE Tyson, the heavyweight CHOMP of the world!

The following is "rumored" to be a real news story.
LADUE ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL PRAISES STUDENT PRANK OFFERING SCHOOL FOR SALE
By Carolyn Bower [St. Louis] Post-Dispatch Thursday, May 25, 2000 | 7:10 p.m.
A classified advertisement that ran this week in the Post-Dispatch offered what seemed like a deal for those seeking a house in the wealthy St. Louis suburb of Ladue.
For sale by owner: 1201 South Warson Road. Open house May 24. Lavish two-story residence, all brick, renovated bathroom, theater/entertainment room, finished basement, intercom system, tennis court and indoor pool. $550,000/offer.
The catch: The property is Ladue Horton Watkins High School. The open house date was the last day of classes for seniors.
Brad Heger, assistant principal at the school, learned about the ad after he arrived at work Monday and listened to his voice-mail messages.
He got dozens of calls on his private line at school about the offer. Heger called those who had more...

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight? A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

Who's On First(Sketch by Bud Abbot and Lou Costello)LOU: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those fellows? BUD: All right. But you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --LOU: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team. BUD: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --LOU: You know the fellows' names? BUD: Yes. LOU: Well, then who's playin' first. BUD: YesLOU: I mean the fellow's name on first base. BUD: Who. LOU: The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis. BUD: Who. LOU: The guy on first base. BUD: Who is on first. LOU: Well, what are you askin' me for? BUD: I'm not asking you -- I'm telling more...

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles.Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new
bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congrega-tion who would be
willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impedi-ment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly. But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway.He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked more...

Once again it is time to start thinking about casting your vote for the 1998
Darwin Award winner! As you may already know, the Darwin Awards
are for those nominees who contribute to the gene pool by dying in
spectacularly stupid ways before they breed (thankfully). The 1998 nominees
are:

NOMINEE No. 1 [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using
a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally
shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a
highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and
the other man found Burns "wrapped in more...