Louis Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    More Darwin Awards!

    Hot 4 years ago

    THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
    Runners-up: [AP, Mammoth Lakes] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities said.
    Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department said.
    Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated that the tower he hit was the one with its pad more...

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Louis!
    Louis?
    Louis'n up!

    Louis arrived home from work one day sporting two black eyes.
    "What on earth happened to you?" asked his wife.
    "Well, while I was on the bus this morning going to work this fat lady got up to get off," Louis explained. "As she passed by, I noticed that her skirt was caught up in the crack of her butt. Hoping to save her some embarrassment, I reached over and pulled it out and she turned around and hit me in the eye."
    "And how do you explain the other eye?" his wife inquired.
    "Well, I figured I must have done something wrong," Louis said, "so as she turned to walk away, I reached over and tucked it back in!"

    Newsflash X/X 1992 Newsflash
    St. Louis, MO (UPI)-Vice President Dan Quayle today visited
    St. Louis, MO, which bears a heavy population descended from German
    immigrants. In order to show support for the newly-unified country
    of Germany, fatherland of many in the audience, he repeated John F.
    Kennedy's words of support 30 years earlier, but this time in English,
    "I am a Jelly Doughnut!"
    Political commentators agreed that something
    was lost in the translation. Dan Quayle explained his remark by saying
    that he had been told those who lived in central America enjoyed jelly
    doughnuts.

    The following is "rumored" to be a real news story.
    LADUE ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL PRAISES STUDENT PRANK OFFERING SCHOOL FOR SALE
    By Carolyn Bower [St. Louis] Post-Dispatch Thursday, May 25, 2000 | 7:10 p.m.
    A classified advertisement that ran this week in the Post-Dispatch offered what seemed like a deal for those seeking a house in the wealthy St. Louis suburb of Ladue.
    For sale by owner: 1201 South Warson Road. Open house May 24. Lavish two-story residence, all brick, renovated bathroom, theater/entertainment room, finished basement, intercom system, tennis court and indoor pool. $550,000/offer.
    The catch: The property is Ladue Horton Watkins High School. The open house date was the last day of classes for seniors.
    Brad Heger, assistant principal at the school, learned about the ad after he arrived at work Monday and listened to his voice-mail messages.
    He got dozens of calls on his private line at school about the offer. Heger called those who had more...

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