Loose Jokes / Recent Jokes

One mother got on a bus and got a ticket and paid the price. She
gave some more money and got another ticket to the same place. So
the conductor was wondering if she is with an other adault, guess
what SHE WASN'T. It was still puzzling. The conductor asked,
"y did u get two tickets when u didn't bring any one along?" She
said, "if I loose one I could show the other to the ticket checker
if he asks for my ticket". It's abious that there is a posibility
for loosing the next ticket right!! So the conductor asked "what
would u do if u loose the other one?". She said, "u think I'm a
fool.... that's why I have a season bus pass". ha ha ha

Lights not burning too bright. Like a barometer - vacuum at the top. Like a loose-leaf folder in winter. Like a one-armed man climbing a rope. Likes dunking for french fries. Little red choo-choo's gone chugging 'round the bend / jumped the track. Lives in La-la-land. Lives in the same world, but a different universe. Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum. Long on dry wall, short on studs. Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room. Looks for the "Any" key. Loose chip on the microprocessor board. Loose wire to his headset/ringer. Low on thinking gas. Low-bandwidth as an information source. Lugnuts rattling in the hubcaps. Made a career out of mid-life crisis. Mainspring's wound too tight. Makes a black hole look bright. Makes predictions that make weathermen/economists look good. Memorized every Dr. Seuss story written. Mental software is Version 1.0 / still in beta test. Mentally qualified for handicapped parking. Metronome needs oil. Might still be a more...

Shingles were loose on Pennocks roof, and he complained about leaks to Barton, his neighbor. "Why dont you mend the roof?" asked Barton. "I cant today," Pennock replied. "Its pouring rain.""Well, why dont you patch it in dry weather." "It dont leak then!"

Teacher:-Pls; tell what the fastest thing in the world is
Student 1:- light
Teacher:-why is that?
Student 1:-once switch on other end bulb gives light with no time.
Student 2:- i believe mind
Teacher: - why do u think so
Student 2:-can think anything we want & achieve it in dream with no time
Student 3:- I believe LOOSE MOTION
Teacher: - why is that?
Student 3:- Yesterday I couldn’t even think & even switch on the light sheet pass without giving any chance to think both options, so i believe loose motion is the world fastest thing.

A brunette, redhead, and blonde were sitting at a bar, sharing small talk over a few beers. Somehow the conversation turns to sex. They give each other tips on blow jobs, and what feels the best when having the man return the favor.
Talk continues until "looseness" comes up. The brunette brags, "I'm so loose, you could put your fist in me!" The redhead scoffs at the brunette and says "I'm so loose, you could put your head in me!" They look to the blonde waiting. She just laughs and slides over the barstool.

Ask the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde...yeah right...
1.Who do want to be most like in life:
A.Vanna White
B.Michelle Fiefer
C.Britney Spears
E.None of the Above
2.In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you:
A.Run when you see the seeker
B.Stay hiding until the seeker finds you
C.Run when the seeker sees you
E.Follow the seeker quietly
3.What happens when you get Alzheimers Disease
A.You loose alot of weight
B.Gain weight
C.Get really smart
D.Loose your memory
4.How do you kill a bird:
A.Hit it
B.Throw it off a building
C.Cook it
D.All of the above
5.What's an important question about pregnancy
A.Is it mine
B.How far along am I
C.Is it a boy or girl
D.What hospital should I go to for delivery
Don't read them this more...

Ask the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde...yeah right...
1.Who do want to be most like in life: A.Vanna White B.Michelle Fiefer C.Britney Spears E.None of the Above
2.In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you: A.Run when you see the seeker B.Stay hiding until the seeker finds you C.Run when the seeker sees you E.Follow the seeker quietly
3.What happens when you get Alzheimers Disease A.You loose alot of weight B.Gain weight C.Get really smart D.Loose your memory
4.How do you kill a bird: A.Hit it B.Throw it off a building C.Cook it D.All of the above
5.What's an important question about pregnancy A.Is it mine B.How far along am I C.Is it a boy or girl D.What hospital should I go to for delivery
Don't read them this part:
Results:
1.
A=5pts. B=3pts. C=2pts. D=1pt.
2.
A=4 B=5 C=2 D=3
3.
A=4 B=3 C=5 D=1
4.
A=3 B=5 C=4 D=1
5.
A=5 B=1 C=3 D=2
TOTAL: 20 =Official Dumb Blonde; more...