Fit Jokes

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    Rules For Sandals

    Hot 6 years ago



    Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:... As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the rules when you wear sandals and other open toe shoes:

    I promise to always wear sandals that fit. that my toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will heels spill over the backs.

    And that the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

    I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up the big toe.

    I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

    I will shave the hairs off big toe.

    I will not wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

    If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck more...

    It's hard to be fit as a fiddle, when you're shaped like a cello.

    Just so everyone has a better understanding, I believe that, in general, women are saner than men. For example: If you see people who have paid good money to stand in an outdoor stadium on a freezing December day wearing nothing on the upper halves of their bodies except paint, those people will be male.

    Without males, there would be no such sport as professional lawn mower racing. Also, there would be a 100 percent decline in the annual number of deaths related to efforts to shoot beer cans off of heads.

    Also, if women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be no war. I sincerely believe this - virtually no military conflicts, and if there were a military conflict, everyone involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of thoughtful notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon (which would be salads, with the dressing on the side).

    So, I sincerely believe that more...

    P. Harris

    Problem Probable Cause Remedy

    Does not work Power plug in hand Place plug in socket
    and turn socket on

    Not turned on Turned off Turn on.

    Still does not work Bought it from Tandy Take it back and get
    a real stereo.

    Lights up but no No speakers Buy some speakers.

    Still no sound Volume set to zero Set volume to ten.

    Too much sound Volume set to ten Set volume to three.

    Raucous hiss Radio turned on and Turn radio off, place
    no aerial record on deck, place
    stylus on record.

    Sounds too slow HMV 78 written on record Discard record, replace
    with `Hells Bells' by
    ACDC set volume to ten,
    place stylus on record.

    Can't hear anything Gone deaf turn stereo off and
    or learn to say `eh?'

    Don't more...

    Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by terrible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

    After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

    Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

    When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he more...

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