Line Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she would like to have a turkey tattooed on her right thigh, just below her bikini line. She also wants the words Happy Thanksgiving under the turkey.
The artist does what the woman wants and it comes out looking really good.
She thens tells him that she wants a Santa tattooed on her left thigh, just below her bikini line, with the words Merry Christmas under it.
The artist does what the woman wants and it turns out well too.
As she's getting dressed to leave, the artists says, "Lady, forgive me for asking, but why did you have me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
"Well, I'm sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!" she replies.

A little girl is waiting in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up onto Santa's lap and Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
"I'd like a Barbie and a G.I. Joe," she replies.
Confused, Santa says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"Oh, no," she explains. "She comes with G.I. Joe. She just fakes it with Ken!"

Two math students, a boy and his girlfriend, are going to a fair. They are in line to ride the ferris wheel when it shuts down.
The boy says: "It's a sin for those people to keep us waiting like this!"
The girl replies: "No - it's a cosin, silly!!!"

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven - others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.

After watching Satan do this several times, the fellows curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder.

'Excuse me, Prince of Darkness,' he said.' Im waiting in line for judgment, but I couldnt help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?'' Ah, those...' Satan said with a groan.' They're all from Seattle; theyre too wet to burn!'

Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a man's private parts.
The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"
The nun replies, "My right hand."
The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 hail Mary's and all will be forgiven.
The second nun goes into the confessional and says, "Bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts."
The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"
The nun replies, "My left hand." The priest tells her to dip her left hand in the holy water say 10 hail Mary's and all will be forgiven.
Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line. The fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, "Would you mind if I went first?"
The third nun says, "Sure I don't care, but would mind telling me more...

There is a thin line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

A man who was once a great actor found he had a serious problem, he could no longer remember his lines. After many years of searching, he finally found a theatre where they were willing to give him a chance to shine again.
"This is the most important part of the play," the director said, "and it consists of only one line. You must walk onto the stage carrying a rose. You must hold the rose to your nose with only one finger and your thumb, sniff it deeply, and then recite the line... 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress'."
The actor was thrilled. For the entire day prior to the play he practiced his line, over and over again. Finally, the big day came.
The curtain was raised and the actor walked onto the stage. With the greatest of passion, he delivered his line - "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
Suddenly, the audience burst into laughter and the director was fuming. "You damn fool!" cried the director. "You've ruined more...