Lawrence Jokes

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of
Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be
charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public
intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to
stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one
around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a
phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of
the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his
purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"I guess I was just really into it, you know? "he commented with evident
embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a
Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his more...

Herewith is a compendium of movie clichés, stereotypes, obligatory scenes, hackneyed formulas, shopworn conventions and outdated archetypes. The author says that as you go to enough different movies, you start to notice things. Like how every time there's a chase scene in an exotic locale, a fruit cart gets overturned. Or how whenever the hero knocks out a Nazi sentry and puts on his uniform, the uniform is a perfect fit. Or how there are plots that would be over in five minutes, if all characters weren't idiots. Actress Inferior Position - In movie sex scenes, which are usually directed by men, the POV (Point of View) at the moment of climax is almost always the man's, so that we see the actress, not the actor, losing control. AC-WAT-NOBI Movie - A Cop With A Theory No One Believes In. Against All Odds Rule - In an apparently fatal situation from which there is no possible hope of survival, it is certain the characters will survive. In a situation where there is any apparent chance more...

Micheal Caine goes up to Milton Berle during a party and asks, "What kind of cigar are you smoking there?" "It's a Lawrence Welk." says Milton. "What's a Lawrence Welk?" Micheal asks.
Milton says "It's a piece of crap with a band wrapped around it."

Q: Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
A: Lawrence of Poland

Q: Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig? A: Lawrence of Poland