Joshua Jokes / Recent Jokes
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard more...
Here are some responses by younger students from a secular
school when asked to expound on various teachings of the Bible. Their words
are unedited:
"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the
world, so he took the Sabbath off."
"Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree."
"Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."
"Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears."
"Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night."
"The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with
the unwympathetic Genitals."
"Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
Delilah."
"Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles."
"Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any more...
Answers Given By Students To Test Questions On The Bible: The first book of the Bible is Guinessis. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. (I used this one alot when I was a kid... wait... I still do!)The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. (Used by Bill Clinton... Monica who?)Moses died before he ever reached the UK. (Lucky for him that is.)Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. (What... they launch their Depends at' em?)The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. King David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the Biblical times. (and still alive and residing in Hackensack, N. J.)Solomon had 300 more...
Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasion:
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get more...
Kids on the Old and New TestamentsThis comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)... Enjoy!* In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating theworld, so he took the Sabbath off.* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah`s wife was calledJoan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.* Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.* The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble withthe unsympathetic Genitals.* Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebellike Delilah.* Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened breadwhich is bread without any ingredients.* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moseswent up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.* The seventh commandment is thou more...
Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasion:
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah`s wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get more...
While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted.
"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Adam," replied the second.
"My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.
Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Joshua.
"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.